Let us REJOICE. It is most assuredly a joyous day. JAMES TINGEY IS ANOTHER YEAR OLDER. Mike Tingey and Churck Norris are also celebrating their half birthday today. Robert's birthday is steadily approaching. And, I have my hands on a rough draft of a forthcoming press release:
Fish Swims Home
WASHINGTON, D.C - Secretary of the Interior Dirk Kempthorne today announced the removal of the elusive Southern Polka-Dotted Color Coordinated Fish from the list of threatened and endangered species at a ceremony at the Jefferson Memorial in Washington, D.C. After nearly disappearing for the summer, the Southern Polka-Dotted Color-Coordinated Fish hopes to be flourishing in the Beehive State soon/hitting up WC Country Club, and no longer needs the protection of the Endangered Species Act.
"Today I am proud to announce: the SPDCC Fish will soon return," said Secretary Kempthorne. "In 1999 Utah became home to one Southern Polka-Dotted Color-Coordinated Fish. Today, after a summer of conservation effort, thanks to a touching blog entry that included scriptural references on July 14 entitled "Gone Fishing" by Stephanie and Bonnie, and in honor of James Tingey’s birthday, the SPDCC Fish is on it’s way home soon. Based on its dramatic recovery, it is my pleasure to announce the Department of the Interior's decision to remove the SPDCC from the Endangered Species List."
"After years of careful study, public comment and planning, the Department of the Interior and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service are confident in the future security of the SPDCC Fish," Kempthorne said. "From this point forward, we will work to ensure that the fish never again needs the protection of the Endangered Species Act."
How I have missed you all...you have NO idea. It's been an "interesting" summer. Speculation has it that I have spent my summer doing the following:
1) I was filiming a spin-off of Flavor of Love/Rock of Love called Serenade of Love starring Michael Bolton. I received a "cool" nickname like Southern Belle or Palmetto State Playa or Diva Phish. At the end of each show if Michael wanted you to stay he would sing a ballad and ask you if you would accept a lock of his hair...tune in this fall
2)I was filming the spin-off "Phresh Princess of Irmo,SC" Production was at a stand still because casting was unable to fill the role of a 3rd Aunt Viv. The theme song was going to be off the chain.
The twist of the show was that we were going to make the butler white
3)I was in Beijing as Michael Phelps towel girl/goggle handler. Rumor has it I was also the real "Artichect" of the "Redeem Team." Everyone knows that isn't true because JarBear would've played for the team had I designed it, and it would've been more like Coach J rather than Coach K... What is allegedly true is the Gasol brothers asked if I wanted to touch their silver medals but I was all "thanks but no thanks" only I said it in Chinese to really drive my point home. ( I did give the hairy Gasol Steph's phone number) Manu started to approach me but his medal looked more like he was wearing a bronze coin candy wrapper with chocolate inside on a string.
4)I was on the new MTV show Exiled. Where brats are sent to dramatic, far away, third world places to appreciate what they have/rough it. I was sent to exotic New Jersey. The culture of crazy accents, abrasiveness, overdose of fake tanning, and uncalled for hostility really made me realize just how I great I have it back home. I was just grateful they didn't send me to Boston.
5)Everyone knows I like to nanny it up. When CBS approached me to film my own version of "Supernanny"- "Superfly Nanny" I had to jump at the chance. Especially in that the twist was that I would nanny in Alaska for Sarah Palin's family while she is on the campaign trail. Moose hunting is NOT as easy as she makes it look. My bumper sticker does in fact read "I'm a hockey nanny"
6)I was asked to manage Gary Coleman's career/get it back on track. I was fired for all the negative attention he's gotten in the press lately with the bowling alley incident. I'm thankful that Bonnie's delicious GC reconciliation brownies would not have to be incarceration brownies that would have to be enjoyed on the other side of a glass window.
7)I have also heard an array of rumors/reasons for my absence: I'm Catholic/Jewish/Lutheran/ a Quaker now and my family kicked me out, (For future reference my fam would only kick me out if I was JW- just kidding) I'm a nun, I'm engaged, I'm pregnant and not married, I'm married and pregnant, I went goth, I took a vow of silence over the summer, I was hurt when I wasn't selected to be apart of VH1's celebreality to appear on I want to work for Diddy,I've been on jury duty for a high profile case, I'm ashamed to admit I'm an intern for the Tyra Banks show, I've been entering Guitar Hero/Rock Bank contests in malls across the country, I was trying to get Irmo, S.C. it's own NBA team after Seattle backed out of the deal, I was so devasated the Spurs didn't make it to the Finals that I moved to San Antonio to find myself, I'm at Sam Cassell's summer training camp, James broke up with me, I needed solitude while writing the screenplay to Tyler Perry's diary of a mad white woman, I'm opening up pennycades across the nation to try to put all nickelcades out of business, I'm in rehab, I'm in jail, I'm getting ready for auditions for So you think you can dance and ABDC, I'm engaged to a 70 year old man... not that there is anything wrong with that, but we all know I like younger men/a younger man: (JAMES)
Bottom line, I miss you ALL more than words can say. I will be so happy/delighted/thrilled/overcome when I do get to see you all again. Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Birthday James!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish we could celebrate/renew our vows at the Hollywood Connection tonight. (I hope you are working on the Playlist: Slow Jamz 2)
p.s.- Bon I tried so hard to blog on your birthday but my internet failed me :(
(Does anyone know why JarBear wasn't chosen to be on Dancing with the Stars? Tom Brady sure blew his chance)
(R.I.P to all the great people we have lost this summer, Bernie Mac, Isaac Hayes, Estelle Getty...just to name a few)
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
The Chronicles of Bonnia: The Bonnie, the B$^%@, and the Rice Krispies
Bonnie lovers I am writing this to tell you of a magical place. No not the bachelor pad, I'm talking about Bonnia! A place where the oceans are filled with Perrier, the streets are made of fudge, and sweet rolls grow on trees. You enter every time you eat exactly 1000 krispies of Bonnie's world famous rice krispie spectaculars. And somehow a certain middle aged hoodlum 3 doors down(refer to glossary) found out this sacred information. And this is where the story begins.
It was a beautiful night at about 2 in the morning. And the B$^%@(lets just call him AM) thought this would be a perfect time to be on the prowl and pounce to steal some BRK(bonnie rice krispies). But little does he know at 2 Bonnie's night had just begun. She finished making BRK and was just about to start gardening, then was going to bake some heavenly sweet rolls, might I add what a SAINT! AM was currently hiding on the side of the Tingey household waiting the Bon Bon to finish gardening. He smelled the BRK and knew he had to get in soon. So he made a desperate move and snuck in through the back door. And tragedy was about to strike. AM had his hands on a whole batch of BRK. And he began to devour them like the scoundrel he is. He made it to 600 krispies and Bonnie's bonsenses began to tingle. She quietly made her way back in the house and saw AM in action. Then a great idea came to her. Luckily she always carry some extra Bondip with her. And every one knows that if an unworthy person eats the heavenly Bondip they melt and their spirit is trapped forever in the wizard school Bonwarts. But time was running out, AM had picked up the pace and was on his 950th krispie and didnt look like he was slowing down. So Bonnie sprung into action and flung some Bondip toward AM. AM being so committed to reaching the magical land of Bonnia didn't notice it and the Bondip landed right in his mouth. He never stood a chance against the almighty Bonnie. He will forever be haunted in Bonwarts. Now the W.C. is once again safe, thanks to my home girl Bon Bon.
Boncerely,
BonJamesBon
It was a beautiful night at about 2 in the morning. And the B$^%@(lets just call him AM) thought this would be a perfect time to be on the prowl and pounce to steal some BRK(bonnie rice krispies). But little does he know at 2 Bonnie's night had just begun. She finished making BRK and was just about to start gardening, then was going to bake some heavenly sweet rolls, might I add what a SAINT! AM was currently hiding on the side of the Tingey household waiting the Bon Bon to finish gardening. He smelled the BRK and knew he had to get in soon. So he made a desperate move and snuck in through the back door. And tragedy was about to strike. AM had his hands on a whole batch of BRK. And he began to devour them like the scoundrel he is. He made it to 600 krispies and Bonnie's bonsenses began to tingle. She quietly made her way back in the house and saw AM in action. Then a great idea came to her. Luckily she always carry some extra Bondip with her. And every one knows that if an unworthy person eats the heavenly Bondip they melt and their spirit is trapped forever in the wizard school Bonwarts. But time was running out, AM had picked up the pace and was on his 950th krispie and didnt look like he was slowing down. So Bonnie sprung into action and flung some Bondip toward AM. AM being so committed to reaching the magical land of Bonnia didn't notice it and the Bondip landed right in his mouth. He never stood a chance against the almighty Bonnie. He will forever be haunted in Bonwarts. Now the W.C. is once again safe, thanks to my home girl Bon Bon.
Boncerely,
BonJamesBon
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Late August Bonnouncements
The staff and I have a few bonnouncements to make before it's too late.
First and foremost, we'd like to bonnounce that the Bonnie has been called to serve in the Bishopric of a student ward at the U. This is significant for 2 reasons. One because, well... not that many women get called to serve in the Bishopric, but we all not that the Bonnie is not just any woman. The second thing is that, upon finding out that the Bonnie was now working for the U, Thomas S Monson (T-Mons as we like to call him) renounced the church's claim on BYU because the Bonnies arrival at the U makes the U the Lord's annointed school.
Our second bonnouncement is that, as part of her welcome into the new ward, the Bonnie will be speaking in her new ward this coming Sunday!!! Come one, come all and hear the Bonnie speak the truth to our undeserving ears.
That is all
First and foremost, we'd like to bonnounce that the Bonnie has been called to serve in the Bishopric of a student ward at the U. This is significant for 2 reasons. One because, well... not that many women get called to serve in the Bishopric, but we all not that the Bonnie is not just any woman. The second thing is that, upon finding out that the Bonnie was now working for the U, Thomas S Monson (T-Mons as we like to call him) renounced the church's claim on BYU because the Bonnies arrival at the U makes the U the Lord's annointed school.
Our second bonnouncement is that, as part of her welcome into the new ward, the Bonnie will be speaking in her new ward this coming Sunday!!! Come one, come all and hear the Bonnie speak the truth to our undeserving ears.
That is all
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
One Day and Counting...
My good bloggers and bloggerettes it is exactly 1 day until the single greatest day of the year! You might ask what is the greatest day of the year? Christmas? some would think but it is august and christmas is usually in december...believe me i checked...Online. Some perverted hippies might think its earth day, dirty whores. The earth doesn't dare compare with this day. Some of the love birds out there might say valentines day, dead wrong. There is more love given in one minute of this day than every valentines day combined. Our black friends might say Martin Luther King Jr. Day or (MLKJD) for short. And i say to that, negro please. Some old people might say veterens day. Well the special person of this day has given more to this country through rice krispies than all old people combined. Except grandpa Jim and lois they're way to Bad A for me to hate on. The Irish might say St. Patrick's day. Well talk to me when your sober...still waiting.
Finally the moment you have all been waiting for. Tomorrow is Bonnies Birthday!!!!!!! Even Santa Clause can't wait for this day. He makes a special visit and delivers all of Bonnie's birthday presents through the chimney. People from all over the world fly in just to catch a glimpse of the Angel of the W.C. on her special day. Every store in the world is closed except of course the restaurant that our sweet Bonnie chooses she wants to eat at. That is the greatest reward any restaurant can recieve.
So tomorrow as we celebrate let us give to the Bonnie and remember all the things she has done for us.
In Bonebration,
BonJamesBon
Finally the moment you have all been waiting for. Tomorrow is Bonnies Birthday!!!!!!! Even Santa Clause can't wait for this day. He makes a special visit and delivers all of Bonnie's birthday presents through the chimney. People from all over the world fly in just to catch a glimpse of the Angel of the W.C. on her special day. Every store in the world is closed except of course the restaurant that our sweet Bonnie chooses she wants to eat at. That is the greatest reward any restaurant can recieve.
So tomorrow as we celebrate let us give to the Bonnie and remember all the things she has done for us.
In Bonebration,
BonJamesBon
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Bonnie Tingey: International Ambassador of Peace
The hour fast approaches 2am on on quite Friday night. Laying awake in my BP bed I struggle to catch a hold of a decent nights rest like a heroine addict struggles to catch the dragon, but i quickly learn you can never catch the dragon.
Besides, how could I sleep knowing that there is so much turmoil in the world? How could I rest knowing that the Bonnie herself will not rest until she has personally seen to the end of the chaos that is our modern times? At this very moment the Bonnie is undoubtedly out in the great wide open. On a mission to make the world a more beautiful place. Probably in her garden planting flowers as I type, for what better way to fight terrorism than to plant the seeds of peace, literally and symbolically.
However, the mission of the Bonnie is not bonfined to the Dub-C. No my friends, in fact just this week the mission of the Bonnie has stretched across continents, crossed the greatest of oceans and touched the hardest of hearts and it is for that purpose that I relay this intricate tale of international peace.
A few months back the Bonnie sat alone in the boncave, meditating on a world gone awry. As she pondered in her fortress of solitude she was struck with an undeniable fit of bonspiration... She knew exactly what had to be done, so she logged on to her gmail and began to type
"They say true love comes only once in a lifetime
and even though we’re from opposite ends of the earth,
my heart tells me you’re the one for me. Mahmoud
I remember when it started, saw you on the news
you were hating gays, I was eating food
but I was feeling you, and even though I disagreed with almost everything you said
you aint wrong to me, so strong to me, you belong to me
Like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhall to me
Mahmoud make my heart beat right out of my chest
my mind says no but my body says yes
Nuclear threat, the only threat I see
is the threat of you not coming home with me.
Our love for each other’s like when atoms collide
Can’t express how I feel Ay yo Iran let’s ride
And Iran, Iran so far away
is your home, but in my heart you’ll stay
He ran, for the president of Iran
we ran together to a tropical island
my man, Mahmoud is known for rilin’
smiling, if he can still do it then I can
they call you weasel, they say your methods are medieval
you can play the Jews I can be your Jim Caviezel
Used to look at the stars and dream
round the world same stars were seen
And a twinkle in your eyes Mahmoud.
Talk smooth to me, without a tie
your pants high waisted, dang so fly.
We can take a trip to the animal zoo
and laugh at all the funny things that animals do
Like Eugene (Levy) you got me straight trippin’ boo
hope you look in my eyes and say I’m trippin’ too
you say Iran don’t have the bomb but they already do
you should know by now, it’s you.
You crazy for this one Mahmoud
you can deny the holocaust all you want
but you can’t deny that there’s something between us
I know you say there’s no problems in Iran
but come to the rocky mountain revue now baby
it’s time to stop hiding, and start living."
With that the invitation was sent... but was Mahmoud ready to respond? Was he bon enough to stand up to the challenge? As fate would have it, the Hairy Jake Gyllenhall, like many a man before him, was unable to resist the bonvitation to come.
Just like that the Bonnie orchestrated the single greatest public relations move of 2008, she convinced the Iranian national basketball team to come to Salt Lake City and partake of her vision of global peace through basketball... A program the Bonnie affectionately calls Hoops for Hope.
Despite the concerns of the US government, and the fear that the Barack Obama would try to take credit for the Bonnie's hard work, and somehow find a way to destroy Hoops for Hope, the Bonnie showed greated faith in the nature of man. Just as she predicted the game ended up being one of the most successfull RMR games ever played. Iranians and Americans, Greeks and Russians, Ukranians and Hermaphrodites, players and referees, Jerry Sloan and I, all enemies off the court, all stood together on the court as one, united in Bonniehood... proving that maybe there is hope to be found in hoops.
Did the Bonnie single handedly end the war on terror? I can't say, but yes.
Besides, how could I sleep knowing that there is so much turmoil in the world? How could I rest knowing that the Bonnie herself will not rest until she has personally seen to the end of the chaos that is our modern times? At this very moment the Bonnie is undoubtedly out in the great wide open. On a mission to make the world a more beautiful place. Probably in her garden planting flowers as I type, for what better way to fight terrorism than to plant the seeds of peace, literally and symbolically.
However, the mission of the Bonnie is not bonfined to the Dub-C. No my friends, in fact just this week the mission of the Bonnie has stretched across continents, crossed the greatest of oceans and touched the hardest of hearts and it is for that purpose that I relay this intricate tale of international peace.
A few months back the Bonnie sat alone in the boncave, meditating on a world gone awry. As she pondered in her fortress of solitude she was struck with an undeniable fit of bonspiration... She knew exactly what had to be done, so she logged on to her gmail and began to type
"They say true love comes only once in a lifetime
and even though we’re from opposite ends of the earth,
my heart tells me you’re the one for me. Mahmoud
I remember when it started, saw you on the news
you were hating gays, I was eating food
but I was feeling you, and even though I disagreed with almost everything you said
you aint wrong to me, so strong to me, you belong to me
Like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhall to me
Mahmoud make my heart beat right out of my chest
my mind says no but my body says yes
Nuclear threat, the only threat I see
is the threat of you not coming home with me.
Our love for each other’s like when atoms collide
Can’t express how I feel Ay yo Iran let’s ride
And Iran, Iran so far away
is your home, but in my heart you’ll stay
He ran, for the president of Iran
we ran together to a tropical island
my man, Mahmoud is known for rilin’
smiling, if he can still do it then I can
they call you weasel, they say your methods are medieval
you can play the Jews I can be your Jim Caviezel
Used to look at the stars and dream
round the world same stars were seen
And a twinkle in your eyes Mahmoud.
Talk smooth to me, without a tie
your pants high waisted, dang so fly.
We can take a trip to the animal zoo
and laugh at all the funny things that animals do
Like Eugene (Levy) you got me straight trippin’ boo
hope you look in my eyes and say I’m trippin’ too
you say Iran don’t have the bomb but they already do
you should know by now, it’s you.
You crazy for this one Mahmoud
you can deny the holocaust all you want
but you can’t deny that there’s something between us
I know you say there’s no problems in Iran
but come to the rocky mountain revue now baby
it’s time to stop hiding, and start living."
With that the invitation was sent... but was Mahmoud ready to respond? Was he bon enough to stand up to the challenge? As fate would have it, the Hairy Jake Gyllenhall, like many a man before him, was unable to resist the bonvitation to come.
Just like that the Bonnie orchestrated the single greatest public relations move of 2008, she convinced the Iranian national basketball team to come to Salt Lake City and partake of her vision of global peace through basketball... A program the Bonnie affectionately calls Hoops for Hope.
Despite the concerns of the US government, and the fear that the Barack Obama would try to take credit for the Bonnie's hard work, and somehow find a way to destroy Hoops for Hope, the Bonnie showed greated faith in the nature of man. Just as she predicted the game ended up being one of the most successfull RMR games ever played. Iranians and Americans, Greeks and Russians, Ukranians and Hermaphrodites, players and referees, Jerry Sloan and I, all enemies off the court, all stood together on the court as one, united in Bonniehood... proving that maybe there is hope to be found in hoops.
Did the Bonnie single handedly end the war on terror? I can't say, but yes.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
The Glossary of Bonnie-Terms
Worldwide readership,
As the influence of the Bonnie Blog begins to reach the farthest corners of the world it has come to the attention of the Bonnie Blog staff that our newest readers may not fully understand all of the terms, slang and sayings used by the staff while chronicling the life and times of Bonnie.
Because we cannot answer all of the fan mail questions that we get asking about the meaning of these terms (believe me, we've tried) the staff and I decided to write a glossary of terms for newer readers to use as a guide to the Bonnie Blog. The glossary will be an ever expanding document, updated as needed to reflect the latest and greatest entries in the Bonnie Blog.
Without Further Adieu... The Glossary
Quote of the Day: The craziest and/or most bontastic thing that Bonnie said during that given day.
3 Doors Down: It's not a band, it's a nightmare
Boncerely: The sign-off used in many Bonnie Blog posts in place of sin-cerely, because the Bonnie doesn't sin.
Boncern: Used in place of the word concern because 1) it's a level of concern far beyond that of a standard humans ability to feel concern, and 2) the Bonnie wouldn't deceive anyone so we don't want the word con associated with her in any way.
Bonspiration: to be inspired by Bonnie, often associated with great spiritual experiences.
Bontastic: Bonnie is not a fan, she has fans, 'nuff said
Bons: Props given for Bonnie related comments, instead of bones.
More additions to the glossary coming soon...
As the influence of the Bonnie Blog begins to reach the farthest corners of the world it has come to the attention of the Bonnie Blog staff that our newest readers may not fully understand all of the terms, slang and sayings used by the staff while chronicling the life and times of Bonnie.
Because we cannot answer all of the fan mail questions that we get asking about the meaning of these terms (believe me, we've tried) the staff and I decided to write a glossary of terms for newer readers to use as a guide to the Bonnie Blog. The glossary will be an ever expanding document, updated as needed to reflect the latest and greatest entries in the Bonnie Blog.
Without Further Adieu... The Glossary
Quote of the Day: The craziest and/or most bontastic thing that Bonnie said during that given day.
3 Doors Down: It's not a band, it's a nightmare
Boncerely: The sign-off used in many Bonnie Blog posts in place of sin-cerely, because the Bonnie doesn't sin.
Boncern: Used in place of the word concern because 1) it's a level of concern far beyond that of a standard humans ability to feel concern, and 2) the Bonnie wouldn't deceive anyone so we don't want the word con associated with her in any way.
Bonspiration: to be inspired by Bonnie, often associated with great spiritual experiences.
Bontastic: Bonnie is not a fan, she has fans, 'nuff said
Bons: Props given for Bonnie related comments, instead of bones.
More additions to the glossary coming soon...
Monday, July 14, 2008
Gone Fishing
Attention Bonnie Bloggers: Bonnie has been missing something special in her life. She has not been getting her FDA recommended 2-3 servings of Fish a week... not salmon or halibut silly, but the only Fish you need. Amy Fish. Bonnie now knows how Puff Daddy felt when he lost his dear friend The Notorious BIG to the streets. Diddy himself said it best, "Sometimes its just hard for a n**** to wake up, its hard to just keep goin ,its like I feel empty inside without you bein here, I would do anything man, to bring you back... every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every time I pray, Ill be missing you"
I think its safe to say that for the sake Bonnie we need to bring Amy Fish back. She is missed by Bonnie and all. Until you return, we will be missing you!
With Boncern,
Stephanie
Now a few words from Bonnie herself:
There's something fishy right here in Salt Lake. Do you remember in the New Testament in Matthew 18:110-12 the lord said that he had come to "save that which was lost... if a man have a hundred... and one of them be gone... doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth... and seeketh that which is gone"?
Well, right here in our beautiful Salt Lake and our little blogging pool we are missing one very important Fish. Not just any fish but our very own Amy Fish. You may remember her for her quiz or the quiz knows, the true Bonnie fan.
So lets not just skim the pond but drain the pool if we have to even call out Charlie himself, the "King of the Sea" to find out own "Lady of the Lake" Miss Amy Fish! Then we can as the Lord said in Matthew 18:13 "...rejoiceth more of that [one]" and then we can get our party on!
Love,
Bon
I think its safe to say that for the sake Bonnie we need to bring Amy Fish back. She is missed by Bonnie and all. Until you return, we will be missing you!
With Boncern,
Stephanie
Now a few words from Bonnie herself:
There's something fishy right here in Salt Lake. Do you remember in the New Testament in Matthew 18:110-12 the lord said that he had come to "save that which was lost... if a man have a hundred... and one of them be gone... doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth... and seeketh that which is gone"?
Well, right here in our beautiful Salt Lake and our little blogging pool we are missing one very important Fish. Not just any fish but our very own Amy Fish. You may remember her for her quiz or the quiz knows, the true Bonnie fan.
So lets not just skim the pond but drain the pool if we have to even call out Charlie himself, the "King of the Sea" to find out own "Lady of the Lake" Miss Amy Fish! Then we can as the Lord said in Matthew 18:13 "...rejoiceth more of that [one]" and then we can get our party on!
Love,
Bon
Monday, June 23, 2008
The silence has been broken!!
We all know how much The Bonnie does for all of us. To honor her, it has been decided that we will make a list of all the positive qualities that The Bonnie has - wait, that list would be longer than Boston's intro in 'Foreplay/A Long Time' on Rock Band. To save space, let us reembark on a few 'unnoticed' things that the bonnie has done for all of us.
Earned D-Will a spot on the USA team-
Here's some sports news even Stuart Scott can't deny.. Last Summer, when Deron was trying out for the team, he just wasnt feeling himself. At first, he thought it was dehydration/fatigue/homesickness/altitude difference. Well, sadly all of those are horrificly maldiagnosises.. He was suffering from a rare but exhausting condition, bonnsickness. Once notified, the bonnie put on her #1 cooking apron, and batched up a quick rice krispies delight. D-Will made a full recovery, but for an unknown reason, he still felt like something was still slowing him down..
Personally saved Robert Downey Jr. from terrorists-
Who is Robert Downey Jr??? This world knows him as the so called "Ironman". What a JOKE! The truth is, when RDJr was stuck in the cave in the middle east, it was bonnie with him, not the weird looking scientist. She had already made the suite herself, hid it in a rock, was baking bean dip, and minutes from escaping herself.. but when he joined in on the adventure, she decided she would allow him to escape instead and bid him adieu with 2 lbs of BD (bean dip) and a lasting impression of the true Ironbon.. The Bonnie later escaped by disguising herself as a harmless chef (nobody had a clue)..
Invented the Wheel-
Where would we be without this invention? Many archeologists try to say that plain old cavemen created this breakthrough in technology, hate to break it to ya fellas, but that was the bonns. See, in 1452 BC, bonnie was wondering how to expand her cooking business from one cave to another. Instead of having poor kittens pull trays to other caves, she decided that the world was ready for the wheel. Most people dont know how close she was to not giving out this idea though.. In 1453 BC, the bonnie was almost crushed by a stampede of Lions from the Lion King, she was cooking when she was caught off guard by Mufasa aka Abe Millsap.
READING CHECK TIME!!!
Notice a pattern? If you said yes, there seems to be an antagonist in all these stories, then you're absolutely right! Somebody seemed to know D-Will would be sick without the Bonnie, somebody seemed think it would be clever to put the bonnie in a cave, and yes, somebody assembled a stampede in an attempt to crush the bonnie! SICKENING! Who is this imposter?? I think the only conclusion would be somebody who is located in close proximity to the bonnie now, maybe 3 doorsteps away? I think we all know who i am talking about... Somebody who doesnt want the bonnie to succeed, somebody who is afraid of the bonnie's greatness...
Now, because i do not want to name name's, I will allow you to make up your mind who did this to the bonnie, but let me make one thing VERY clear.
Earned D-Will a spot on the USA team-
Here's some sports news even Stuart Scott can't deny.. Last Summer, when Deron was trying out for the team, he just wasnt feeling himself. At first, he thought it was dehydration/fatigue/homesickness/altitude difference. Well, sadly all of those are horrificly maldiagnosises.. He was suffering from a rare but exhausting condition, bonnsickness. Once notified, the bonnie put on her #1 cooking apron, and batched up a quick rice krispies delight. D-Will made a full recovery, but for an unknown reason, he still felt like something was still slowing him down..
Personally saved Robert Downey Jr. from terrorists-
Who is Robert Downey Jr??? This world knows him as the so called "Ironman". What a JOKE! The truth is, when RDJr was stuck in the cave in the middle east, it was bonnie with him, not the weird looking scientist. She had already made the suite herself, hid it in a rock, was baking bean dip, and minutes from escaping herself.. but when he joined in on the adventure, she decided she would allow him to escape instead and bid him adieu with 2 lbs of BD (bean dip) and a lasting impression of the true Ironbon.. The Bonnie later escaped by disguising herself as a harmless chef (nobody had a clue)..
Invented the Wheel-
Where would we be without this invention? Many archeologists try to say that plain old cavemen created this breakthrough in technology, hate to break it to ya fellas, but that was the bonns. See, in 1452 BC, bonnie was wondering how to expand her cooking business from one cave to another. Instead of having poor kittens pull trays to other caves, she decided that the world was ready for the wheel. Most people dont know how close she was to not giving out this idea though.. In 1453 BC, the bonnie was almost crushed by a stampede of Lions from the Lion King, she was cooking when she was caught off guard by Mufasa aka Abe Millsap.
READING CHECK TIME!!!
Notice a pattern? If you said yes, there seems to be an antagonist in all these stories, then you're absolutely right! Somebody seemed to know D-Will would be sick without the Bonnie, somebody seemed think it would be clever to put the bonnie in a cave, and yes, somebody assembled a stampede in an attempt to crush the bonnie! SICKENING! Who is this imposter?? I think the only conclusion would be somebody who is located in close proximity to the bonnie now, maybe 3 doorsteps away? I think we all know who i am talking about... Somebody who doesnt want the bonnie to succeed, somebody who is afraid of the bonnie's greatness...
Now, because i do not want to name name's, I will allow you to make up your mind who did this to the bonnie, but let me make one thing VERY clear.
FOOL BONNIE ONCE, SHAME ON YOU. FOOL BONNIE TWICE, NO RICE KRISPIES FOR YOU!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
History is made...BONNIE BLOGS ON THE BONNIE BLOG
I know what your thinking. Can this really be possible? Your thinking will the internet itself explode? NO this is happening and its happening NOW! Bonnie lovers everywhere I now give you your beloved BONNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Blogger's,
To all of you who have spent long devoted hours on my behalf working your loving fingers to the bone by dazzling the computer key broads with your wit and great literary talents. How can I thank you all and let you know how much I love you. So I propose we have a "Summer Blogger's Bash" with details to be announced soon. So watch for this and "Be there or I'll be sad."
Lot's of Love, The Bon
Dear Blogger's,
To all of you who have spent long devoted hours on my behalf working your loving fingers to the bone by dazzling the computer key broads with your wit and great literary talents. How can I thank you all and let you know how much I love you. So I propose we have a "Summer Blogger's Bash" with details to be announced soon. So watch for this and "Be there or I'll be sad."
Lot's of Love, The Bon
Monday, June 2, 2008
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Visual Aid for the Bon Testimatum
Just in case you dont know the WC 4th like Bon does...(where rob-n-bon gave their regards)
The Bon Testimatum
Sunday June 1st, fast and testimony meeting... The Bonnie makes her way towards the podium and the crowd goes silent... well, silenter... the rest is testimony history. The following is a mortal mans attempt to transcribe The Bonnie's heavenly words.
This is what I learned...
-Her name is Bonnie
-She's not inactive
-She recently joined a club for stoners
-Stoners don't shower
-She went to a land down under
-In a land down under she met up with middle aged missionaries named Alma and Mosiah
-Alma and Mosiah aren't inactive either, just like her
-Mosiah is a Maori
-Mosiah the Maori toured the mission field with The Bonnie and Alma
-Some of the converts didn't deserve to call themselves converts
-Alma and Mosiah are life long friends
-James needs to go on a mission to meet his life long man friend
-The Bonnie's testimony has kept her "sane" or at least saner than she would be.
-The Bonnie went to Cancun to walk a mile in Nephite Mocasins
-She proved to the world that the B O M is true
-She loves Rob and Me... Amen
This is what I learned...
-Her name is Bonnie
-She's not inactive
-She recently joined a club for stoners
-Stoners don't shower
-She went to a land down under
-In a land down under she met up with middle aged missionaries named Alma and Mosiah
-Alma and Mosiah aren't inactive either, just like her
-Mosiah is a Maori
-Mosiah the Maori toured the mission field with The Bonnie and Alma
-Some of the converts didn't deserve to call themselves converts
-Alma and Mosiah are life long friends
-James needs to go on a mission to meet his life long man friend
-The Bonnie's testimony has kept her "sane" or at least saner than she would be.
-The Bonnie went to Cancun to walk a mile in Nephite Mocasins
-She proved to the world that the B O M is true
-She loves Rob and Me... Amen
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
The First Stone Has Been Cast
Nearly 2000 years have passed since the event took place… A humble woman, a sinner, forced into the market place to be mocked, ridiculed and judged by self proclaimed men of god. These holier-than-thou men thought that death was the appropriate punishment for the indiscretions of her past life, a life she had chosen to leave behind. The cries for her blood grew louder until one man, with wisdom beyond human comprehension, stood in her defense.
Some 2000 years later the Madonna of our times (in the Italian sense, not the whore singer sense), the picture of perfection, the living gospel herself, The Bonnie lay in agonizing pain in a hospital room. Her own kidneys had betrayed her, less than two months after her own gall bladder had betrayed her in the same way, by producing life threatening stones in order to fulfill the destiny of the sinner 2000 years before.
I know what you are thinking… What does The Bonnie have in common with a sinner? Your answer might be “nothing” and you would be correct, and yet, somehow their fates were meant to be intertwined… Some 2000 years ago a wise man stood by a sinners side and said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” 2000 years later, The Bonnie took him up on that offer.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Phil 'cry-baby' Jackson
3:33 pm - I log into The Bonnie Blog
3:33.30 pm - I see Phil Jackson getting interviewed
3:33.33 pm - The cry baby himself makes a call for the wambulance saying that the game is being unequally officiated.
How dare him?? When Bonnie is watching, you don't use that tone unless your looking for a malacious butt-whooping. The nerve of this man to purposely insult the bonnie is impeccable. He has no respect in my books and never will...
On to the real news... During the past 2 hours, I have been around one of the greatest influences on this earth (if you dont know who i'm talking about, stop reading) Before i could be in the house for a mere 5 seconds, she immediately sheltered me with gifts and love. As i walked through the door she gave me a creamy chocolate bar from new bonnie land, five minutes later, she was quenching our thirsts with liters and liters of liquids. Next, she was embracing us with the world renound bonnie bean dip. Not to be outdone [within the hour], she had made the infamous variety pack of rice krispy treats to tease our taste buds.
The bonnie doesnt wine and moan about calls in life that dont go her way, she cooks her way through these trials and helps others.
P.S. - Why is it that whenever the bonnie starts watching Jazz games we do amazingly well??? I think we all know the answer to this question, the Jazz feel embarrassed to play bad in front of her, they are afraid that the recipes will stop coming if they dont win with her watching...
P.S. 2 - Bonnie left, the Jazz started to fall apart...
With Jazzitude,
bonnfireoflove
3:33.30 pm - I see Phil Jackson getting interviewed
3:33.33 pm - The cry baby himself makes a call for the wambulance saying that the game is being unequally officiated.
How dare him?? When Bonnie is watching, you don't use that tone unless your looking for a malacious butt-whooping. The nerve of this man to purposely insult the bonnie is impeccable. He has no respect in my books and never will...
On to the real news... During the past 2 hours, I have been around one of the greatest influences on this earth (if you dont know who i'm talking about, stop reading) Before i could be in the house for a mere 5 seconds, she immediately sheltered me with gifts and love. As i walked through the door she gave me a creamy chocolate bar from new bonnie land, five minutes later, she was quenching our thirsts with liters and liters of liquids. Next, she was embracing us with the world renound bonnie bean dip. Not to be outdone [within the hour], she had made the infamous variety pack of rice krispy treats to tease our taste buds.
The bonnie doesnt wine and moan about calls in life that dont go her way, she cooks her way through these trials and helps others.
P.S. - Why is it that whenever the bonnie starts watching Jazz games we do amazingly well??? I think we all know the answer to this question, the Jazz feel embarrassed to play bad in front of her, they are afraid that the recipes will stop coming if they dont win with her watching...
P.S. 2 - Bonnie left, the Jazz started to fall apart...
With Jazzitude,
bonnfireoflove
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Bonnie Showed The Jazz Love, And They Gave It Right Back
Last night our beloved Jazz led by MVP Williams, closed out the hated Rockets, led by Girls Name McGrady in 6 games. Although it should have been in 4 games with our unstoppable home record. We were all puzzled at the game 3 loss making us ask why? Was it that I was there? NO, because I was there last night for the win, and I'm way to hardcore for that to happen to me. The real answer is the return of the Bonnie to the Energy Solutions Arena. The Jazz players saw her and got fired up to blow out the Rockets. I actually saw a tear in Ronnie Brewer's eye. They played inspired, then the spirit of Bonnie left them as they were only up by 4 at halftime. Then Booz gave the greatest halftime speech in history. Saying how can we play like this when the Bonnie is watching us. D Will took this to heart. He felt terrible for the effort he put forth in the first half. He made 4 3's in the 3rd and then pointed to Bonnie and said I love you. Now we can all bonibrate because the jazz are in the 2nd round...All thanks to Bonnie.
Salutations,
BonJamesBon
Salutations,
BonJamesBon
Monday, April 28, 2008
THE RETURN OF THE QUEEN (Bonnie is Back!!!!!)
As you all know our beautiful angel bonnie has been out of our presence for the past 2 weeks visiting middle earth. She was on a quest...not to destroy and conquer, but to uplift and bring her wonderfulness to this people. She went to many of the provinces of middle earth baking brownies and cookies filled with bonnie love(the single greatest tasting ingredient EVER) and to everyone brought laughter with her wacky and loving ways. By the end of her epic quest there were 18 statues, 5 restaurants, and 3 movies all made in her honor. Plus New Zealands new official name is Bonnie Land. As she ended her voyage and returned to us, she did not destroy a certain ring, but did quite the opposite, she repaired our hearts from the pain we felt while she was away. Now as we have her back in our lives, let us be more grateful everyday that she is here, as we now know the pain of her not being here.
Much Love,
BonJamesBon
Much Love,
BonJamesBon
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Bon To The Future
We all know that the Bonnie possesses many powers beyond those of an average human being, but what you may not know is that one of those powers is actually time travel. Yes, time travel.
Sometime last week (around 1pm MDT on Saturday) the Bonnie discovered that she could in fact travel to the future and back in small increments. As I type this message on Saturday April 19th at 11:53 MDT the Bonnie is already enjoying her Sunday afternoon nap 18 hours in the future in a magical place called New Zealand. In fact, the Bonnie, at the risk of destroying the space time continuum, has already informed me that the Boston Celtics easily won game 1 of their Easter Conference Round 1 playoff match up. (What you choose to do with this information is up to you, but I will not be held responsible any gambling related consequences)
Where will she go next? I do not know, but for the Bonnie, the future is now.
Sometime last week (around 1pm MDT on Saturday) the Bonnie discovered that she could in fact travel to the future and back in small increments. As I type this message on Saturday April 19th at 11:53 MDT the Bonnie is already enjoying her Sunday afternoon nap 18 hours in the future in a magical place called New Zealand. In fact, the Bonnie, at the risk of destroying the space time continuum, has already informed me that the Boston Celtics easily won game 1 of their Easter Conference Round 1 playoff match up. (What you choose to do with this information is up to you, but I will not be held responsible any gambling related consequences)
Where will she go next? I do not know, but for the Bonnie, the future is now.
18 Timezones Can't Keep Us Apart
For some of us here at the Bonnieblog, we thought the Bonnie's epic adventure to the shire would mark some sort of hiatus for our bonnieblog duties. As if her two weeks in Mordor meant two weeks without new tales of Bonniedom and wacky Bonnie anecdotes. Well, we were wrong... Dead wrong.
No more than a day had passed by since her departure to middle-earth before the phone rang at Bonnieblog HQ (that stands for head quarters for those of you not in the know). On the other end of the line we heard the voice of angels, otherwise known as Bonnie. What could be so important that the Bonnie would take time away from her quest to destroy Sauron just to call BBHQ? (that's short for Bonnieblog HQ) I'll tell you what was so important... there was a sale at TJ Maxx and the Bonnie desperately needed a coat.
In her defense it was an incredible value. A $600 coat marked down to $60?!?!?! She couldn't afford not to buy it, and so she sent Steph on a quest of her own, the quest to find the TJ Maxx coat. Did Steph succeed in conquering the minions of possessed middle-aged Ork-women and obtain the One coat? With the spirit of the Bonnie at her side and in her heart, steph was able to delve deep into the nether-regions of TJ Maxx, find the One coat, slay an army of Ork-women, escape unharmed, and return safely to BBHQ to report to the Bonnie that her mission impossible had been accomplished.
On a side note, upon hearing that the mission was accomplished, the Bonnie notified Steph that she had changed her mind and that she no longer needed the One coat.
*as a side note to this posting, the reason for the numerous Lord of the Rings references is that the Bonnie is currently in New Zealand, which as we all know is where Frodo and Sam began their journey to destroy the One ring.
No more than a day had passed by since her departure to middle-earth before the phone rang at Bonnieblog HQ (that stands for head quarters for those of you not in the know). On the other end of the line we heard the voice of angels, otherwise known as Bonnie. What could be so important that the Bonnie would take time away from her quest to destroy Sauron just to call BBHQ? (that's short for Bonnieblog HQ) I'll tell you what was so important... there was a sale at TJ Maxx and the Bonnie desperately needed a coat.
In her defense it was an incredible value. A $600 coat marked down to $60?!?!?! She couldn't afford not to buy it, and so she sent Steph on a quest of her own, the quest to find the TJ Maxx coat. Did Steph succeed in conquering the minions of possessed middle-aged Ork-women and obtain the One coat? With the spirit of the Bonnie at her side and in her heart, steph was able to delve deep into the nether-regions of TJ Maxx, find the One coat, slay an army of Ork-women, escape unharmed, and return safely to BBHQ to report to the Bonnie that her mission impossible had been accomplished.
On a side note, upon hearing that the mission was accomplished, the Bonnie notified Steph that she had changed her mind and that she no longer needed the One coat.
*as a side note to this posting, the reason for the numerous Lord of the Rings references is that the Bonnie is currently in New Zealand, which as we all know is where Frodo and Sam began their journey to destroy the One ring.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Who wants to be a Bonnionaire?
It has often been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, to be quite honest, pictures dont sell for words, they sell for ca$h money. So when i saw a picture of bonnie at a local garage sale, i had to get it. I immediately went to a local Kinko's and made an exact copy. Thats when i used my 'tyler osterloh rebate skillz'... I sold the fake(as the original) on eBay for a measely million dollars...
Once i recieved this money, i thought of what i could do with it that would help out The Bonnie States of America. Yes, I know what your thinking, I should have gone and bought a luxurious european car. NO. I went to the local supermarket, bought some flour, and began to cook. This brought me to a dilhema, no not the kind of dilhema Nelly sings about, but rather a much more dificult dilhema... What would I do to help Bonns with this money? Here are a few of the ideas that immediately popped into my head--
1)Buy her all the cookbooks in the world to further her cooking education.
2)Hire the Jazz Bear for a personalized Bonnie birthday party - everyday
3)Buy Guitar Hero IV before it comes out for Bonnie
4)Give it to Jarron Collins to leave the Jazz organization.
5)Buy Mrs. Fields Cookies and change it into Bonnie's Backyard BBQ By the Booey aka the BBBBtB.
6)Give it to her to repay her for the many sweets she gives to us daily.
7)Replace the vase Jacob broke over the weekend.
8)Pay for Bonnies airfare back to the U.S. from New Zealand.
9)Give it to charity, thats what Bonnie would want
10th and Finally) Buy a fake afro for Bonnie so that she could be 'hip' with STABE.
I think i speak for all of us when i say this.. "Bonnie, we miss your beautiful soul in the Americas, and stay away from those nasty Koala Bears." Good Luck and Stay Safe Bonnie and Rob.
Editor's Note: Jefferson had a 593 note streak on GH3 untill he CHOKED on the 6th to last note... What a NOOB!!!
Once i recieved this money, i thought of what i could do with it that would help out The Bonnie States of America. Yes, I know what your thinking, I should have gone and bought a luxurious european car. NO. I went to the local supermarket, bought some flour, and began to cook. This brought me to a dilhema, no not the kind of dilhema Nelly sings about, but rather a much more dificult dilhema... What would I do to help Bonns with this money? Here are a few of the ideas that immediately popped into my head--
1)Buy her all the cookbooks in the world to further her cooking education.
2)Hire the Jazz Bear for a personalized Bonnie birthday party - everyday
3)Buy Guitar Hero IV before it comes out for Bonnie
4)Give it to Jarron Collins to leave the Jazz organization.
5)Buy Mrs. Fields Cookies and change it into Bonnie's Backyard BBQ By the Booey aka the BBBBtB.
6)Give it to her to repay her for the many sweets she gives to us daily.
7)Replace the vase Jacob broke over the weekend.
8)Pay for Bonnies airfare back to the U.S. from New Zealand.
9)Give it to charity, thats what Bonnie would want
10th and Finally) Buy a fake afro for Bonnie so that she could be 'hip' with STABE.
I think i speak for all of us when i say this.. "Bonnie, we miss your beautiful soul in the Americas, and stay away from those nasty Koala Bears." Good Luck and Stay Safe Bonnie and Rob.
Editor's Note: Jefferson had a 593 note streak on GH3 untill he CHOKED on the 6th to last note... What a NOOB!!!
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Sunday, April 6, 2008
General Conference is adjourned... AFTER THIS
My heart is filled at this moment, filled with disgust and agony for a fellow member of the bonnie blog team(currently she is undergoing membership qualification questioning). How does somebody betray the loyalty and trust of The BBT? I don't know... but this past week it happened, and it heppened with the magnitude of a 6.7 earthquake.
Sure, the end of school gets frustrating. Finals, quizzes, assignments, la tarea(homework); but none of this should make us turn so far from the path. A 'so called member' of the team recently debated a question which should have been a no brainer. But the forces of satan are strong in these latter-days, and she was tempted greatly. Im talking about Steph, and her so-close decision to hang out with a unanamous third party. This tall, handsome, creamy-hershey-toned man seduced steph to try and hang out with him this past weekend. These two, or "STABE", as the National Enquierer calls them, were going to commit crimes and burglaries all over the sandy area... Luckily, we had a savior...
When the bonnie was asked if STABE could reunite, she gave an emphatic NO. But verily, verily, I say unto you, the forces of the destroyer are strong, and she tried to convince the man himself to justify her actions. Rob gave an even more emphatic 'no' to the propoganda campaign. It was at this moment, when stabe was discontinued. Steph came out of her trance, and realized what she was doing. It was as though she was under a mystical spell of a Dungeon or Dragon, that she had no control over. It was as though Venasaur (Level 3 bulbasaur) had wrapped her in his green, spikey weeds to never let her go again. Luckily, Charizard (bonnie)((the best pokemon in the game, and most expensive pokemon card to date)) sizzled away the ideas of this man and brought her back to Ash.
My brothers and sisters i employ of you, dont listen to these ridiculous thoughts of millsaptery, stay on the bonnie path, and love the bonnie for all she does for us... Never forget the sacrifices made...
With Bonnitude,
bonnfireoflove
Sure, the end of school gets frustrating. Finals, quizzes, assignments, la tarea(homework); but none of this should make us turn so far from the path. A 'so called member' of the team recently debated a question which should have been a no brainer. But the forces of satan are strong in these latter-days, and she was tempted greatly. Im talking about Steph, and her so-close decision to hang out with a unanamous third party. This tall, handsome, creamy-hershey-toned man seduced steph to try and hang out with him this past weekend. These two, or "STABE", as the National Enquierer calls them, were going to commit crimes and burglaries all over the sandy area... Luckily, we had a savior...
When the bonnie was asked if STABE could reunite, she gave an emphatic NO. But verily, verily, I say unto you, the forces of the destroyer are strong, and she tried to convince the man himself to justify her actions. Rob gave an even more emphatic 'no' to the propoganda campaign. It was at this moment, when stabe was discontinued. Steph came out of her trance, and realized what she was doing. It was as though she was under a mystical spell of a Dungeon or Dragon, that she had no control over. It was as though Venasaur (Level 3 bulbasaur) had wrapped her in his green, spikey weeds to never let her go again. Luckily, Charizard (bonnie)((the best pokemon in the game, and most expensive pokemon card to date)) sizzled away the ideas of this man and brought her back to Ash.
My brothers and sisters i employ of you, dont listen to these ridiculous thoughts of millsaptery, stay on the bonnie path, and love the bonnie for all she does for us... Never forget the sacrifices made...
With Bonnitude,
bonnfireoflove
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Quote of the Day April 4th
I'm eccentric and bizarre and I have a blog so I can do those sorts of things
Monday, March 31, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Bonnie's Fave Five Restaurants
1. Maddox
2. Zinn Bistro
3. Market Street
4. Seafood Buffet Deer Valley
5. Grand America Buffet
*Sadly enough Carl's Jr. was not in her top five, even though it is a fine family establishment!
2. Zinn Bistro
3. Market Street
4. Seafood Buffet Deer Valley
5. Grand America Buffet
*Sadly enough Carl's Jr. was not in her top five, even though it is a fine family establishment!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Definition: Apology
The word apology is thrown around a lot these days. Many use it to destroy the tension or even just to correct ones inproper speech. But today, I would like to use this word to unconver a deeper seed of regret...
On Friday, March 28th, I made a comment to the Jeff Tingey, that i didnt want him to sit by me at an upcoming USU/Utah volleyball match (consisting of the best womens volleyball player in utah, Missy). This was a HUGE mistake. I had forgotten Jeff's background, who had raised him, and also who still cares for him. Yes, I am talking about the bonnie. By insulting Jeff, I directly insulted the bonnie. I feel turrible about this. I have gotten no sleep the past 2 hours, and i fell like i must get this off of my chest, and i figured there was no better way to do it than to let all the bonnie world know about it.
So please, bonnie lovers, accept this Apology for my inexcusable behavior. I know i am asking a lot, but it would mean a lot to me if i could know i am still welcome here.
Thank you and farewell,
bonnfireoflove
On Friday, March 28th, I made a comment to the Jeff Tingey, that i didnt want him to sit by me at an upcoming USU/Utah volleyball match (consisting of the best womens volleyball player in utah, Missy). This was a HUGE mistake. I had forgotten Jeff's background, who had raised him, and also who still cares for him. Yes, I am talking about the bonnie. By insulting Jeff, I directly insulted the bonnie. I feel turrible about this. I have gotten no sleep the past 2 hours, and i fell like i must get this off of my chest, and i figured there was no better way to do it than to let all the bonnie world know about it.
So please, bonnie lovers, accept this Apology for my inexcusable behavior. I know i am asking a lot, but it would mean a lot to me if i could know i am still welcome here.
Thank you and farewell,
bonnfireoflove
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Notes From An Inspired Discourse
On Sunday March 23rd, 2008. 10:07 A.M. the Willow Creek 4th ward received the greatest Easter gift since the original tombstone rolled back... Our Bonnie spoke in Sacrament meeting. The following is a collection of notes and bullet points on the talk as written by the spirit through my pen. I give to you... BONNIE'S TALK
-Mike and Jeff used to collect baseball cards
-Rob gave Bonnie a baseball card on their anniversary, this told Bonnie the marriage would last
-Mickey Mantle was a baseball player, Bobby Richardson was his teammate.
-Mickey Mantle died from Alcohol; Don't drink
-If you have a problem, the Lord will solve it... He's the answer to all problems
-Some chick gave a talk about 6 points on discerning the spirit.
-According to Bonnie the 6 points are...
1-Find God's Will
2-Listen
3-Don't be too intent on what you want
4-Your heart is not prepared
-Bonnie says that Henry B. Eyring said that we should ask the lord for his will, not tell him ours
-Bonnie was engaged before she met Rob... To another man... She's a playa
-Spirit told her to get with the Tingey Program
(Bonnie has now officially gone overtime)
-Mickey Mantle repented on his death bed... You can too.
-John 3:16 (Obviously Bonnie follows sports)
-Abinidi threw down spiritually
-Abinidi was a Bad A
-Bonnie just read the entire book of Alma over the pulpit, it went surprisingly fast
-Bonn Bonn has a testimony
-She is thankful for me
-And Rob... And Mickey Mantle
-Amen*
*at this point the entire audience spontaneously gave a standing ovation and began weeping with joy at the same time
-Mike and Jeff used to collect baseball cards
-Rob gave Bonnie a baseball card on their anniversary, this told Bonnie the marriage would last
-Mickey Mantle was a baseball player, Bobby Richardson was his teammate.
-Mickey Mantle died from Alcohol; Don't drink
-If you have a problem, the Lord will solve it... He's the answer to all problems
-Some chick gave a talk about 6 points on discerning the spirit.
-According to Bonnie the 6 points are...
1-Find God's Will
2-Listen
3-Don't be too intent on what you want
4-Your heart is not prepared
-Bonnie says that Henry B. Eyring said that we should ask the lord for his will, not tell him ours
-Bonnie was engaged before she met Rob... To another man... She's a playa
-Spirit told her to get with the Tingey Program
(Bonnie has now officially gone overtime)
-Mickey Mantle repented on his death bed... You can too.
-John 3:16 (Obviously Bonnie follows sports)
-Abinidi threw down spiritually
-Abinidi was a Bad A
-Bonnie just read the entire book of Alma over the pulpit, it went surprisingly fast
-Bonn Bonn has a testimony
-She is thankful for me
-And Rob... And Mickey Mantle
-Amen*
*at this point the entire audience spontaneously gave a standing ovation and began weeping with joy at the same time
Saturday, March 22, 2008
The Easter Bonnie
If the Bonnieblog stands for one thing and one thing only, it is the pursuit of Bonnie-related truth. With that in mind, there is a grave untruth that has been forced upon your minds that the Bonnieblog can no longer bear to hear.
Over the years a big deal has been made about a certain rabbit with alleged ties to the resurrection of a certain savior of mankind. This 5' 10'' lagomorpha hops into town the first Sunday after the paschal full moon and deposits multi-colored eggs in wicker baskets lined with fake grass. You might better know this pervert by his street name, the Easter Bunny.
For some reason there is an established religion, famous for its great and spacious buildings, that would have the world believe that this fuzzy fiend is somehow related to the easter holiday. Unfortunately this bonnieblogger sees through the fluff, this author has found the truth behind easter. As some have long suspected, there was never an "Easter Bunny," the easter bunny was made up by said religion as a way of hiding the truth about... the Easter Bonnie.
The Easter Bonnie has been around for centuries, spreading the true spirit of the Easter holiday. The Easter Bonnie needs no grass lined baskets or flaming techni-color eggs that would make Elton John look like as masculine as the Rock. The Easter Bonnie needs not sneak into the homes of unsuspecting victims in the middle of the night because the Easter Bonnie is always invited... Everywhere.
So, as you awake this Easter morning to treats galore, I implore you, in the spirit of the holiday, to give thanks to the true giver of easter goodies... The Easter Bonnie.
Over the years a big deal has been made about a certain rabbit with alleged ties to the resurrection of a certain savior of mankind. This 5' 10'' lagomorpha hops into town the first Sunday after the paschal full moon and deposits multi-colored eggs in wicker baskets lined with fake grass. You might better know this pervert by his street name, the Easter Bunny.
For some reason there is an established religion, famous for its great and spacious buildings, that would have the world believe that this fuzzy fiend is somehow related to the easter holiday. Unfortunately this bonnieblogger sees through the fluff, this author has found the truth behind easter. As some have long suspected, there was never an "Easter Bunny," the easter bunny was made up by said religion as a way of hiding the truth about... the Easter Bonnie.
The Easter Bonnie has been around for centuries, spreading the true spirit of the Easter holiday. The Easter Bonnie needs no grass lined baskets or flaming techni-color eggs that would make Elton John look like as masculine as the Rock. The Easter Bonnie needs not sneak into the homes of unsuspecting victims in the middle of the night because the Easter Bonnie is always invited... Everywhere.
So, as you awake this Easter morning to treats galore, I implore you, in the spirit of the holiday, to give thanks to the true giver of easter goodies... The Easter Bonnie.
Where Would I Be Without My Bonnie?
Where would I be without my Bonnie?
The thought alone might break me.
And I don't wanna go crazy.
But every thug needs some Bonnie.
-Ja Rule
These words are as true today as they were the day that Jeffrey "Ja Rule" Atkins first rapped them. The type of true to life lyrics that cut to the core of all men. This listener, in particular, was so moved that I sat pondering the topic for a good 37 straight hours. Where would I be without my Bonnie? Surely, the thought alone did break me.
My fellow Bonniebloggers, I challenge all of you to reflect on the impact that the Bonnie has made on you, and ask yourself, "where would I be without my Bonnie?"
The thought alone might break me.
And I don't wanna go crazy.
But every thug needs some Bonnie.
-Ja Rule
These words are as true today as they were the day that Jeffrey "Ja Rule" Atkins first rapped them. The type of true to life lyrics that cut to the core of all men. This listener, in particular, was so moved that I sat pondering the topic for a good 37 straight hours. Where would I be without my Bonnie? Surely, the thought alone did break me.
My fellow Bonniebloggers, I challenge all of you to reflect on the impact that the Bonnie has made on you, and ask yourself, "where would I be without my Bonnie?"
Friday, March 21, 2008
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Mr. Lonely
Akon said it best.
Good Luck to Robbonnie Sunday,
A concerned bloggist,
bonnfireoflove
"I have no bonnie, for my own. Yo, This bonnie here, goes out to all my spring breakers out there. That got that one good bonnie out there thats always cooked for em ya know? Now they gone to s.g., and i dunno what to do. I'm so lonely, I have no Bonnie for my own."
-Akon, Trouble, (Lonely)
As some of us depart for worldly places to enjoy ourselves, we leave behind the greatest nurturer on this earth. Sure, it will be tough to get our daily dose of bon bon, drug traffickers dont even sell that drug, while we leave her, the bonnie is getting spiritually prepared for her talk. For those of you like me who wont be able to attend, our hearts are shattered.Tupac even shares our feelings...
"It aint easy bein bon, life as a cook is less than heavenly, i got these fakes and these mendels chasin me around and its always drama.... Bon's gets lonely too"
-Tupac Shakur, Loyal To The Game (Bon's Get Lonely Too).
For you more classical music lovers,
James Taylor's Greatest Hit contemplates this dilhema...
"But dont let me be without bonnie tonight. I dont wanna be without bonnie tonight..."
-James Taylor, Greatest Hits, (Don't Let Bonnie Be Lonely Tonight)
As I will not have access to the bon bon for many a days, I can merely hope that i can feel her loving, nurturing spirit daily, and that i can fight off the spirits of the _ _ _ _ _ _ ' _.. (Fill in the blank)
A concerned bloggist,
bonnfireoflove
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Quote of the Day March 18
I haven't filled out my bracket, I'm waiting for the spirit of basketball to come over me.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Who's Hungry?
As we depart for our seperate Spring Break activities, I must ask, who's hungry for some BLT? Noobs will say "A Bacon Lettuce Tomatoe Sandwich? Not now, I just ate." While experienced bonnie lovers know that this truely means Bonnie & Lois Time. For those of you who dont know Lois, she is soon-to-be Bonnies third halve. These two go together like; Phillyse and Vance Refrigeration, Cheeri-o-s and sugar, and Beans and Dip.
This weekend, the Osterloh family and some guests will be departing down to St. George to acoompany Loving Lois. If you would like a transcript of this event, please contact me directly at my email address listed above.
This is bound to be a great event, your taste-buds must be salivating for some BLT.
Loisly,
Brown Bear
This weekend, the Osterloh family and some guests will be departing down to St. George to acoompany Loving Lois. If you would like a transcript of this event, please contact me directly at my email address listed above.
This is bound to be a great event, your taste-buds must be salivating for some BLT.
Loisly,
Brown Bear
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Im tired of getting Mendalized!!!
Good Blogging my fellow readers,
As I walked out of Priest Quorum today, trying to get out to my car to hurry home and comfort my mom, I ran into an unexpected visitor. Mr. Al Mendel. I was shocked at first as I saw that he was walking with his son, TM, but that compared to a simple static-shock ( like getting on to a trampoline and getting shocked and it kinda hurts but you dont really mind it ya know?) after I recieved a secret note from this man. I will simply post his letter and let you decide what to think of it. It reads:
Yours Bonnely,
Bonnfireoflove aka Ryan "O-loh"
note: al mendel did not actually write that note for copyright purposes
As I walked out of Priest Quorum today, trying to get out to my car to hurry home and comfort my mom, I ran into an unexpected visitor. Mr. Al Mendel. I was shocked at first as I saw that he was walking with his son, TM, but that compared to a simple static-shock ( like getting on to a trampoline and getting shocked and it kinda hurts but you dont really mind it ya know?) after I recieved a secret note from this man. I will simply post his letter and let you decide what to think of it. It reads:
Dear Brother Osterloh,
I have been told that you are being a distracting disturbance in my Sons Valiant 11-12 class. Now I understand that you are a Valiant 11 in your spiritual growth, but please, let my Son learn what he needs to learn to become the next prophet, (we are the sons of the Great King George). Also, I hear you are posting blogs about one of our ward members. This needs to stop! Blogging is a sin. And between me and you, im not the biggest fan of Bonnie[editors note: I ripped the letter apart when I read this, sorry, i couldnt restrain myself.]
Sincerely Yours, Al Mendel
WOW. (This is bonnfireoflove blogging again.) Let me just say this, I WAS DISGRACED when i read those dispicable words. He must have written this letter days ago, because the almighty one would not allow such crimes to be done on a Sunday! How a member of our Bishopric could do this... I dont know frankly, Gordon Giricek must have had something to do with it. Personally I think his son enjoys bringing other members of the class down, and no primary class can function with this type of attitude. Sure, others may do this also, however, they hide these things at church, and isnt that what being a TRUE member is all about??? Acting like a good member while at church, only to be a total G outside of church? These are just my thoughts, thank you for your time,Yours Bonnely,
Bonnfireoflove aka Ryan "O-loh"
note: al mendel did not actually write that note for copyright purposes
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Bonnie's Fave Five
Every Saturday from now on we will be giving you Bonnie's Fave Five... this weeks, Bonnie's Fave Five Jazz Players.
1. Mehmet Okur
2. Deron Williams
3. Paul Millsap (not to be confused with Abe)
4. Ronnie Brewer
5. Kal Kover (aka Kyle Korver)
1. Mehmet Okur
2. Deron Williams
3. Paul Millsap (not to be confused with Abe)
4. Ronnie Brewer
5. Kal Kover (aka Kyle Korver)
That's a Bold Strategy ... Let's See If It Pays Off
In what can only be considered one of the most controversial strategies since the infamous Average Joe's forfeit strategy of '04, the Bonnie has officially gone against all semblance of reason in stating that she will be "rooting" for BYU in todays MWC championship game.
What would drive such a sane, rational person as the Bonnie to make such a disturbing statement? Could our righteous Bonnie actually have such an unrighteous desire? Could it be that Provo's evil powers that be have replaced our sweet precious Bonnie with a Provo-Pod-Bonnie in a sick attempt to persuade her loyal followers to cheer on their unholy team? Or could it be that our beloved Bonnie has actually derived a strategy so devious and genius that it could only be called a BT Reverse Jinx?
At this point it is merely speculation but as an expert in Bonntology I would say that the Bonnnie must be in the middle of the first full blown reverse-jinx since the George Mason- UConn Elite 8 thriller of '06. Did it work for George Mason... I think we all know the answer to that. Is this really what the Bonnie is doing? I hope so. If it is, will it work for the Bonnie? It's a bold strategy... We'll see if it pays off.
What would drive such a sane, rational person as the Bonnie to make such a disturbing statement? Could our righteous Bonnie actually have such an unrighteous desire? Could it be that Provo's evil powers that be have replaced our sweet precious Bonnie with a Provo-Pod-Bonnie in a sick attempt to persuade her loyal followers to cheer on their unholy team? Or could it be that our beloved Bonnie has actually derived a strategy so devious and genius that it could only be called a BT Reverse Jinx?
At this point it is merely speculation but as an expert in Bonntology I would say that the Bonnnie must be in the middle of the first full blown reverse-jinx since the George Mason- UConn Elite 8 thriller of '06. Did it work for George Mason... I think we all know the answer to that. Is this really what the Bonnie is doing? I hope so. If it is, will it work for the Bonnie? It's a bold strategy... We'll see if it pays off.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Party Safe, Party Hard
Good Evening Worldwide BonnieBlog Readership,
It has been brought to the attention of the BonnieBlog staff that some of our most loyal and cherished readers are soon to embark on a magical journey called "Spring Break!" If any of you got the same chill that I got upon reading those mystical words... Spring Break... then it probably means that you will soon take that voyage. While some of you will be venturing to far off enchanted locations like Cancun, Bermuda, Las Vegas or... dare I say... Sandy? Many of our worldwide readership will be spending their much needed away time in the comfort of their own homes. Regardless of where you spend your precious spring break it is important that in the spirit of Bonniehood you party to the fullest of your ability. Bonnie wouldn't have it any other way. Party hard, but party safe.
With "safety" in mind it is our pleasure to announce the release of the hottest spring break party drink since Thomas Jefferson invented water... The BONNIE-COLADA. It's exactly like a Pina-Colada, except it is made with Bonnies blood, sweat and tears... not literally, that would be gross, and we substitute the alcohol with the secretest of secret ingredients... the rarest of rare ingredients... an actual particle of concentrated Bonnie Love, found in only one place on earth... Bonnie's heart!
So, this spring break, as you're sipping your delicious Bonnie-Colada, remember that partying with a Bonnie-Colada is the closest thing to partying with Bonnie herself... so put that in your party cup and drink it...
It has been brought to the attention of the BonnieBlog staff that some of our most loyal and cherished readers are soon to embark on a magical journey called "Spring Break!" If any of you got the same chill that I got upon reading those mystical words... Spring Break... then it probably means that you will soon take that voyage. While some of you will be venturing to far off enchanted locations like Cancun, Bermuda, Las Vegas or... dare I say... Sandy? Many of our worldwide readership will be spending their much needed away time in the comfort of their own homes. Regardless of where you spend your precious spring break it is important that in the spirit of Bonniehood you party to the fullest of your ability. Bonnie wouldn't have it any other way. Party hard, but party safe.
With "safety" in mind it is our pleasure to announce the release of the hottest spring break party drink since Thomas Jefferson invented water... The BONNIE-COLADA. It's exactly like a Pina-Colada, except it is made with Bonnies blood, sweat and tears... not literally, that would be gross, and we substitute the alcohol with the secretest of secret ingredients... the rarest of rare ingredients... an actual particle of concentrated Bonnie Love, found in only one place on earth... Bonnie's heart!
So, this spring break, as you're sipping your delicious Bonnie-Colada, remember that partying with a Bonnie-Colada is the closest thing to partying with Bonnie herself... so put that in your party cup and drink it...
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
iBonnie
As we all now, Mac is the leader in 21st century technology. But there are other scientists who are working towards a miraculous invention, the iBonnie. These Japanese scientists have struggled to create such a mechanism. Stem Cell Research? Take a Seat. Cure for Cancer? Find a Chair. Mechanical Sharpie? DISCOVERED!
But the real invention is impossible to recreate. Even before the bonnie was born, these scientists knew something great was coming, through biblical foreshadowing of course. These scientists have invented e-mail, a cure for polio, and deron williams(their first attempt failed miserably, you may know him as chris paul).
I'm wondering if you think the money being put into this is worth it. We all know Bonnie's love can't be recreated, so why even try? Please feel free to leave your feedback as i will be submitting the results to Steve Jobs.
But the real invention is impossible to recreate. Even before the bonnie was born, these scientists knew something great was coming, through biblical foreshadowing of course. These scientists have invented e-mail, a cure for polio, and deron williams(their first attempt failed miserably, you may know him as chris paul).
I'm wondering if you think the money being put into this is worth it. We all know Bonnie's love can't be recreated, so why even try? Please feel free to leave your feedback as i will be submitting the results to Steve Jobs.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
QUIZ! Have You Got A Little Bonnie In You?
Welcome! You will need a #2 Pencil and a piece of college ruled paper (If you were Bonnie you would've already been prepared, go ahead and deduct one point from your final score for not being prepared, the fact that you aren't Bonnie really puts you at a disadvantage when it comes to this quiz...and life in general, but don't get discouraged I believe it was Bonnie that said "Never Never Never Give Up...but I'll be there for you when you do") I'm paraphrasing.
Directions: You'll be asked a Series of Bonnie related questions. Take your time. Please answer truthfully.
Example: Did you go see the movie National Treasure, believing/assuming it to be about Bonnie? a)Yes or b)No
1) If you needed to buy sushi, get an eye exam, and/or purchase a TV DVD collection would you most likely go to:
a-Wal-Mart
b-Cost-Co
c-Sam's Club
2) When is the best time to unload the dishwasher?
a-6am-9am time range
b-4pm-7pm time range
c- 11pm-2am time range
3) If you could choose anyone in this world who would you most like to be stuck in an elevator with?
a-Bonnie
*notice there is no "b" because it's just a given that we would all want to be with Bonnie
4) Are you allergic to...?
a-Cornish Game Hens
b-Chocolate
c-Cereal (Excludes Peanut Butter Crunch and Fruity Pebbles)
d-Cost-Co Kirkland Trail Mix
5) Does Bonnie trust you enough to give you her cell phone number?
a-yes
b-no
c-I haven't had the courage to ask yet
6) Did Bonnie feel you were important enough to add you to her cell phone directory?
a-yes
b-no
c- she pretended like she saved my number to spare my feelings, but I'm pretty sure she didn't save my number,but I understand that it's a privilege to be in her phone and I really haven't earned it yet
7) If your wireless service provider had a top 5 system would Bonnie be in your top 5?
a-yes
b-no
c-she already is
d- I would give her all five slots
e-I paid a huge cancellation fee to my former wireless provider and changed wireless providers just so Bonnie could be in my top 5
8) Does Bonnie have an affectionate nickname for you?
a-yes
b-no
9) Have you ever visited the Bonnie at the hospital?
a-yes
b-no
c-yes and I'm "technically" not even an immediate family member but I broke hospital protocol,violated visiting hours, and ignored fire codes because my love knows no bounds for her and it was the best Friday night ever
10) Has Bonnie ever changed your last name to hers when referencing you as a term of endearment? (Example of the top of my head, first thing that came to mind...Amy Tingey)
a-yes
b-no
c-I don't think she even knows my last name because I've never made a point of getting to know her and visiting her (If you choose C you are automatically disqualified because you don't deserve to take this test or have access to this blog)
11) Has the Bonnie ever given you her blessing to marry Jeff,Stephanie,or my James?
a-yes
b-no
c-yes, but half-heartedly because she's too nice to tell me I'm not good enough
c-if you claim she has given you her blessing to marry James that is a boldface lie, because she already promised him to me, and Bonnie is a woman of her word (See Integrity piece)
d-If Katie takes the quiz she automatically gets five points because Bonnie gave her the vote of approval a long time ago (and I second that)
12) Do you have your gallbladder?
a-no
b-yes
c-yes, but in a jar
d-sold it on E-Bay
13) Do you make creative and beautiful jewelry?
a-yes
b-no
c-I tried, but it didn't compare to Bonnie's magnificent creations so I gave up
14) Do you have a sweet ride like the Bonnie/and do you look good behind the wheel of it like the Bonnie?
a-yes
b-no
c- does it count if Bonnie has let me in her car before?
15) Are you an amazing/incredible/wonderful cook?
a-no
b-yes
16) Do you give great hugs?
a-yes
b-no
17) Have you ever had a pedicure at a 5-Diamond spa?
a-no
b-yes
18) Have you ever fed BonBon ice chips in her time of need?
a-yes
b-no
c-no, but if I had the chance I would
19) Has Bonnie ever offered you anything to eat?
a-no (I don't think this answer even needs to exist)
b-yes
c- not only did she offer, but she sent me home a to-go plate
20)Have you ever watched YouTube clips with Bonnie on a Saturday night?
a-no
b-yes
21) Do you have a Bonnie related tattoo?
a-no
b-yes
c-I'm planning on getting one
22)If you needed foster parents who would your first choice be?
a-Claire and Dr. Cliff Huxtable
b-Danny Tanner, Uncle Jesse, Uncle Joey
c- Bonnie and Rob
d-Homer and Marge Simpson
e-Carol and Mike Brady
23)What American Idol judge should Bonnie replace?
a-Simon Cowell
b-Paula Abdul
c-Randy Jackson
d-all of them, they only need Bonnie for a one woman show
24)Have you ever saved a puppy from a burning building?
a-yes
b-no
c-I choked under the pressure and I don't want to talk about it
25)Have you ever given someone both of your kidneys?
a-no
b-yes
26)Have you ever lifted a car above your head so a small trapped child can escape just before an explosion?
a-no
b-yes
27) Did you find the cure for Rabies?
a-yes
b-no
28) Did your wisdom single-handedly end the Writer's Strike?
a-yes
b-no
29) Did you originally conceive the idea that MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson) should never carry a gun to keep viewers glued to their seats season after season?
a-yes
b-no
30) Has Chuck Norris ever called to wish you a Happy Birthday?
a-yes
b-no
c-no call, I only received a text at 12:01
31) Have you ever been a guest model on Deal or No Deal and displayed the million dollar briefcase with poise,grace, and the audience gave you a standing ovation?
a-no
b-yes
c-no, but I did have a chance to see Howie Mandel's stand up show in Las Vegas (save your money)
32) Do you believe that Charity Never Faileth?
a-yes
b-no
33) Did Kevin Costner, Robert Redford, Mel Gibson, Ted Danson, Kevin Spacey, and John Stamos ever propose to you and you turned them all down?
a-yes
b-no
c-only Ted Danson
34) Are you fluent in 8 different languages?
a-yes
b-no
35) Did you play an instrumental part in The Olympics coming to Salt Lake?
a-yes
b-no
36) Has Time magazine ever named you woman of the year?
a-yes
b-no
37) Has Barbara Walter's repeatedly put you on her list, year after year, of the 50 Most Fascinating People?
a-no
b-yes
38) Does your birth certificate list your middle name as "America's Sweetheart"?
a-yes
b-no
39) Did you invent a new flavor of Orbit gum?
a-yes
b-no
40) Have you set 341 Guinesss Book World Records this year alone?
a-no
b-yes
41) Did you invent the Thesaurus?
a-yes
b-no
42) Is your name synonymous with words like amazing, incredible, loving, considerate, sweet, nice, kind, thoughtful,talented,patient,mesmerizing, intelligent, beautiful, gifted?
a- yes (you cannot answer yes unless every single word applies to you)
b-no
43) Do Nobel Prize winners call you for advice?
a-yes
b-no
44)Do you have a birthmark that resembles Bonnie?
a-yes
b-no
c-it bears a slight resemblence
d-unmistakable certain likeness
45) Does your name in Italian mean "out of control amazing and there is no one else like me"
a-no
b-yes
46) Did H&R Block tell you that you are tax exempt due to total and utter awesomeness?
a-yes
b-no
47) Does your name rhyme with Bonnie?
a-no
b-yes
48)Have you ever watched the A&E 7 part biography- Bonnie's Portrait of Courage: How One Woman Could Move Mountains
a-no
b-yes it was captivating
c-I purchased the Special Edition DVD
49) Have you participated in the write-in campaign to Gatorade and suggest they make the flavor: Bon-a-fied Bodacious Blueberry Rush?
a-no
b-yes
50) Do you love Bonnie enough to have answered all 50 questions?
a-no
b-yes
c-I would have answered 3 times that many
51) BONUS QUESTION (Worth Double Points) !!! In tribute to Bonnie, did you write a 51 question quiz about her?
a-no
b-yes! Love me some Bonnie!
Directions: You'll be asked a Series of Bonnie related questions. Take your time. Please answer truthfully.
Example: Did you go see the movie National Treasure, believing/assuming it to be about Bonnie? a)Yes or b)No
1) If you needed to buy sushi, get an eye exam, and/or purchase a TV DVD collection would you most likely go to:
a-Wal-Mart
b-Cost-Co
c-Sam's Club
2) When is the best time to unload the dishwasher?
a-6am-9am time range
b-4pm-7pm time range
c- 11pm-2am time range
3) If you could choose anyone in this world who would you most like to be stuck in an elevator with?
a-Bonnie
*notice there is no "b" because it's just a given that we would all want to be with Bonnie
4) Are you allergic to...?
a-Cornish Game Hens
b-Chocolate
c-Cereal (Excludes Peanut Butter Crunch and Fruity Pebbles)
d-Cost-Co Kirkland Trail Mix
5) Does Bonnie trust you enough to give you her cell phone number?
a-yes
b-no
c-I haven't had the courage to ask yet
6) Did Bonnie feel you were important enough to add you to her cell phone directory?
a-yes
b-no
c- she pretended like she saved my number to spare my feelings, but I'm pretty sure she didn't save my number,but I understand that it's a privilege to be in her phone and I really haven't earned it yet
7) If your wireless service provider had a top 5 system would Bonnie be in your top 5?
a-yes
b-no
c-she already is
d- I would give her all five slots
e-I paid a huge cancellation fee to my former wireless provider and changed wireless providers just so Bonnie could be in my top 5
8) Does Bonnie have an affectionate nickname for you?
a-yes
b-no
9) Have you ever visited the Bonnie at the hospital?
a-yes
b-no
c-yes and I'm "technically" not even an immediate family member but I broke hospital protocol,violated visiting hours, and ignored fire codes because my love knows no bounds for her and it was the best Friday night ever
10) Has Bonnie ever changed your last name to hers when referencing you as a term of endearment? (Example of the top of my head, first thing that came to mind...Amy Tingey)
a-yes
b-no
c-I don't think she even knows my last name because I've never made a point of getting to know her and visiting her (If you choose C you are automatically disqualified because you don't deserve to take this test or have access to this blog)
11) Has the Bonnie ever given you her blessing to marry Jeff,Stephanie,or my James?
a-yes
b-no
c-yes, but half-heartedly because she's too nice to tell me I'm not good enough
c-if you claim she has given you her blessing to marry James that is a boldface lie, because she already promised him to me, and Bonnie is a woman of her word (See Integrity piece)
d-If Katie takes the quiz she automatically gets five points because Bonnie gave her the vote of approval a long time ago (and I second that)
12) Do you have your gallbladder?
a-no
b-yes
c-yes, but in a jar
d-sold it on E-Bay
13) Do you make creative and beautiful jewelry?
a-yes
b-no
c-I tried, but it didn't compare to Bonnie's magnificent creations so I gave up
14) Do you have a sweet ride like the Bonnie/and do you look good behind the wheel of it like the Bonnie?
a-yes
b-no
c- does it count if Bonnie has let me in her car before?
15) Are you an amazing/incredible/wonderful cook?
a-no
b-yes
16) Do you give great hugs?
a-yes
b-no
17) Have you ever had a pedicure at a 5-Diamond spa?
a-no
b-yes
18) Have you ever fed BonBon ice chips in her time of need?
a-yes
b-no
c-no, but if I had the chance I would
19) Has Bonnie ever offered you anything to eat?
a-no (I don't think this answer even needs to exist)
b-yes
c- not only did she offer, but she sent me home a to-go plate
20)Have you ever watched YouTube clips with Bonnie on a Saturday night?
a-no
b-yes
21) Do you have a Bonnie related tattoo?
a-no
b-yes
c-I'm planning on getting one
22)If you needed foster parents who would your first choice be?
a-Claire and Dr. Cliff Huxtable
b-Danny Tanner, Uncle Jesse, Uncle Joey
c- Bonnie and Rob
d-Homer and Marge Simpson
e-Carol and Mike Brady
23)What American Idol judge should Bonnie replace?
a-Simon Cowell
b-Paula Abdul
c-Randy Jackson
d-all of them, they only need Bonnie for a one woman show
24)Have you ever saved a puppy from a burning building?
a-yes
b-no
c-I choked under the pressure and I don't want to talk about it
25)Have you ever given someone both of your kidneys?
a-no
b-yes
26)Have you ever lifted a car above your head so a small trapped child can escape just before an explosion?
a-no
b-yes
27) Did you find the cure for Rabies?
a-yes
b-no
28) Did your wisdom single-handedly end the Writer's Strike?
a-yes
b-no
29) Did you originally conceive the idea that MacGyver (Richard Dean Anderson) should never carry a gun to keep viewers glued to their seats season after season?
a-yes
b-no
30) Has Chuck Norris ever called to wish you a Happy Birthday?
a-yes
b-no
c-no call, I only received a text at 12:01
31) Have you ever been a guest model on Deal or No Deal and displayed the million dollar briefcase with poise,grace, and the audience gave you a standing ovation?
a-no
b-yes
c-no, but I did have a chance to see Howie Mandel's stand up show in Las Vegas (save your money)
32) Do you believe that Charity Never Faileth?
a-yes
b-no
33) Did Kevin Costner, Robert Redford, Mel Gibson, Ted Danson, Kevin Spacey, and John Stamos ever propose to you and you turned them all down?
a-yes
b-no
c-only Ted Danson
34) Are you fluent in 8 different languages?
a-yes
b-no
35) Did you play an instrumental part in The Olympics coming to Salt Lake?
a-yes
b-no
36) Has Time magazine ever named you woman of the year?
a-yes
b-no
37) Has Barbara Walter's repeatedly put you on her list, year after year, of the 50 Most Fascinating People?
a-no
b-yes
38) Does your birth certificate list your middle name as "America's Sweetheart"?
a-yes
b-no
39) Did you invent a new flavor of Orbit gum?
a-yes
b-no
40) Have you set 341 Guinesss Book World Records this year alone?
a-no
b-yes
41) Did you invent the Thesaurus?
a-yes
b-no
42) Is your name synonymous with words like amazing, incredible, loving, considerate, sweet, nice, kind, thoughtful,talented,patient,mesmerizing, intelligent, beautiful, gifted?
a- yes (you cannot answer yes unless every single word applies to you)
b-no
43) Do Nobel Prize winners call you for advice?
a-yes
b-no
44)Do you have a birthmark that resembles Bonnie?
a-yes
b-no
c-it bears a slight resemblence
d-unmistakable certain likeness
45) Does your name in Italian mean "out of control amazing and there is no one else like me"
a-no
b-yes
46) Did H&R Block tell you that you are tax exempt due to total and utter awesomeness?
a-yes
b-no
47) Does your name rhyme with Bonnie?
a-no
b-yes
48)Have you ever watched the A&E 7 part biography- Bonnie's Portrait of Courage: How One Woman Could Move Mountains
a-no
b-yes it was captivating
c-I purchased the Special Edition DVD
49) Have you participated in the write-in campaign to Gatorade and suggest they make the flavor: Bon-a-fied Bodacious Blueberry Rush?
a-no
b-yes
50) Do you love Bonnie enough to have answered all 50 questions?
a-no
b-yes
c-I would have answered 3 times that many
51) BONUS QUESTION (Worth Double Points) !!! In tribute to Bonnie, did you write a 51 question quiz about her?
a-no
b-yes! Love me some Bonnie!
***Ready to Calculate your Score?! Go to the comment section of this post***
Intensity
We have all now heard the story of Bon Bon's integrity. Let me now share the story of this lovely womans intensity. It was at one of Michaels basketball games right before his mission. The refs were turrible in the words of bonnie's beloved Charles Barkley. She began to get increasingly angered. Such anger it could not be bottled up in her angel like head. Now if she were at home she could just cook to let off steam (no pun intended), but we were not at home, so something bontastic had to be done. She began to yell at the ref, he ignored at first. Then he began to notice some of the most clever insults he had ever heard. He said she needed to calm down and watch the game, but his calls were still turrible. She yelled more and the ref took action and kicked her out of the gym. Now me being a young stallion 7 year old I was mind bottled. But Bonnie being the hall of fame parent she is, she refused to leave because she had one of her children with her. The ref couldn't hold Bon Bon down, can't nobody hold Bon Bon down. Now this my friends is a TRUE STORY. Just because bonnie is a sweet and sincere angel don't think if you cross the line she won't come at you like a spider monkey.
Boncerely,
James Tingey
Boncerely,
James Tingey
Monday, March 10, 2008
The One Who Got Away
The following is a story of romance and deceit. I was just a city boy. born and raised in South Salt Lake City. I took the midnight train going straight to Bonnie's arms. it was a cold winter's night. i had just finished a vigorous game of basketball against my friend James, and lost. So the night was already going downhill. Then i saw her. She came through the midnight fog like an angel out of heaven. I began to walk towards this beaming ray of sunshine when Darkness (AKA Abe Millsap) overcame her. My heart shattered, and at that point i realized: The good Bonnie giveth, and the good Bonnie taketh away. Even though i lost her I realize it was better to have loved and lost Bonnie than to never have loved Bonnie at all. And Bonnie if you're reading this.......266-2667 (bon-bons)
Boncerely,
Jake Osterloh
Boncerely,
Jake Osterloh
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Integrity
I would like to blog about the integrity of Bonnie Tingey. We all probably know the strength of Bonnie's integrity, but i would just let everyone know of a little story that helps express my feelings.
There was a young man, we'll call him ekaJ, that was struggling with the sin of robbing banks. ekaJ had no integrity and would lie to the 5-0 about his where-a-bouts in order to keep himself innocent. Well, it was only a matter of time before ekaJ ran into Bonnie at a local bank.
On April 30th(National Honesty Day), ekaJ began his regular routine of entering the bank. He slid a note to the banker that read "I have a gun, but i cant show you". The teller was nervous, but retrieved the money from the safe. She didnt think she would ever see that money again, untill she saw Bonnie. Bonnie entered the bank and automatically knew what to do. It was instinct, Bonstinct if you may. She ran up to ekaJ and round house kicked him in the face. The money went flying. Bonnie could have easily took the money and ran, but NO. She safely wired the money back to the bank. The Police showed up 6 minutes later.
The reason i share this is because, well, ekaJ is my brother. He was robbing that bank out of frustration that Bonnie wasnt giving him enough attention. She appearantly had another secret son, A.M. .
ekaJ got his attention, along with a serving of integrity served up by my second mother, Bonnie Tingey... Thanks Bon, for saving my brothers life!!!
There was a young man, we'll call him ekaJ, that was struggling with the sin of robbing banks. ekaJ had no integrity and would lie to the 5-0 about his where-a-bouts in order to keep himself innocent. Well, it was only a matter of time before ekaJ ran into Bonnie at a local bank.
On April 30th(National Honesty Day), ekaJ began his regular routine of entering the bank. He slid a note to the banker that read "I have a gun, but i cant show you". The teller was nervous, but retrieved the money from the safe. She didnt think she would ever see that money again, untill she saw Bonnie. Bonnie entered the bank and automatically knew what to do. It was instinct, Bonstinct if you may. She ran up to ekaJ and round house kicked him in the face. The money went flying. Bonnie could have easily took the money and ran, but NO. She safely wired the money back to the bank. The Police showed up 6 minutes later.
The reason i share this is because, well, ekaJ is my brother. He was robbing that bank out of frustration that Bonnie wasnt giving him enough attention. She appearantly had another secret son, A.M. .
ekaJ got his attention, along with a serving of integrity served up by my second mother, Bonnie Tingey... Thanks Bon, for saving my brothers life!!!
Welcome Bonnie Lovers
Welcome fellow Bonnie lovers,
This here blog is a tribute to all of us who know the Bonnie, love the Bonnie, and cherish the Bonnie. Consider this page our way of collectively sharing all of our favorite Bonnie moments. Stories, quotes, experiences, and all other touching moments that have brought us together in Bonniehood.
Let the sharing begin.
This here blog is a tribute to all of us who know the Bonnie, love the Bonnie, and cherish the Bonnie. Consider this page our way of collectively sharing all of our favorite Bonnie moments. Stories, quotes, experiences, and all other touching moments that have brought us together in Bonniehood.
Let the sharing begin.
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