The hour fast approaches 2am on on quite Friday night. Laying awake in my BP bed I struggle to catch a hold of a decent nights rest like a heroine addict struggles to catch the dragon, but i quickly learn you can never catch the dragon.
Besides, how could I sleep knowing that there is so much turmoil in the world? How could I rest knowing that the Bonnie herself will not rest until she has personally seen to the end of the chaos that is our modern times? At this very moment the Bonnie is undoubtedly out in the great wide open. On a mission to make the world a more beautiful place. Probably in her garden planting flowers as I type, for what better way to fight terrorism than to plant the seeds of peace, literally and symbolically.
However, the mission of the Bonnie is not bonfined to the Dub-C. No my friends, in fact just this week the mission of the Bonnie has stretched across continents, crossed the greatest of oceans and touched the hardest of hearts and it is for that purpose that I relay this intricate tale of international peace.
A few months back the Bonnie sat alone in the boncave, meditating on a world gone awry. As she pondered in her fortress of solitude she was struck with an undeniable fit of bonspiration... She knew exactly what had to be done, so she logged on to her gmail and began to type
"They say true love comes only once in a lifetime
and even though we’re from opposite ends of the earth,
my heart tells me you’re the one for me. Mahmoud
I remember when it started, saw you on the news
you were hating gays, I was eating food
but I was feeling you, and even though I disagreed with almost everything you said
you aint wrong to me, so strong to me, you belong to me
Like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhall to me
Mahmoud make my heart beat right out of my chest
my mind says no but my body says yes
Nuclear threat, the only threat I see
is the threat of you not coming home with me.
Our love for each other’s like when atoms collide
Can’t express how I feel Ay yo Iran let’s ride
And Iran, Iran so far away
is your home, but in my heart you’ll stay
He ran, for the president of Iran
we ran together to a tropical island
my man, Mahmoud is known for rilin’
smiling, if he can still do it then I can
they call you weasel, they say your methods are medieval
you can play the Jews I can be your Jim Caviezel
Used to look at the stars and dream
round the world same stars were seen
And a twinkle in your eyes Mahmoud.
Talk smooth to me, without a tie
your pants high waisted, dang so fly.
We can take a trip to the animal zoo
and laugh at all the funny things that animals do
Like Eugene (Levy) you got me straight trippin’ boo
hope you look in my eyes and say I’m trippin’ too
you say Iran don’t have the bomb but they already do
you should know by now, it’s you.
You crazy for this one Mahmoud
you can deny the holocaust all you want
but you can’t deny that there’s something between us
I know you say there’s no problems in Iran
but come to the rocky mountain revue now baby
it’s time to stop hiding, and start living."
With that the invitation was sent... but was Mahmoud ready to respond? Was he bon enough to stand up to the challenge? As fate would have it, the Hairy Jake Gyllenhall, like many a man before him, was unable to resist the bonvitation to come.
Just like that the Bonnie orchestrated the single greatest public relations move of 2008, she convinced the Iranian national basketball team to come to Salt Lake City and partake of her vision of global peace through basketball... A program the Bonnie affectionately calls Hoops for Hope.
Despite the concerns of the US government, and the fear that the Barack Obama would try to take credit for the Bonnie's hard work, and somehow find a way to destroy Hoops for Hope, the Bonnie showed greated faith in the nature of man. Just as she predicted the game ended up being one of the most successfull RMR games ever played. Iranians and Americans, Greeks and Russians, Ukranians and Hermaphrodites, players and referees, Jerry Sloan and I, all enemies off the court, all stood together on the court as one, united in Bonniehood... proving that maybe there is hope to be found in hoops.
Did the Bonnie single handedly end the war on terror? I can't say, but yes.
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