The Chronicles of Bonnia: The Bonnie, the B$^%@, and the Rice Krispies

Bonnie lovers I am writing this to tell you of a magical place. No not the bachelor pad, I'm talking about Bonnia! A place where the oceans are filled with Perrier, the streets are made of fudge, and sweet rolls grow on trees. You enter every time you eat exactly 1000 krispies of Bonnie's world famous rice krispie spectaculars. And somehow a certain middle aged hoodlum 3 doors down(refer to glossary) found out this sacred information. And this is where the story begins.

It was a beautiful night at about 2 in the morning. And the B$^%@(lets just call him AM) thought this would be a perfect time to be on the prowl and pounce to steal some BRK(bonnie rice krispies). But little does he know at 2 Bonnie's night had just begun. She finished making BRK and was just about to start gardening, then was going to bake some heavenly sweet rolls, might I add what a SAINT! AM was currently hiding on the side of the Tingey household waiting the Bon Bon to finish gardening. He smelled the BRK and knew he had to get in soon. So he made a desperate move and snuck in through the back door. And tragedy was about to strike. AM had his hands on a whole batch of BRK. And he began to devour them like the scoundrel he is. He made it to 600 krispies and Bonnie's bonsenses began to tingle. She quietly made her way back in the house and saw AM in action. Then a great idea came to her. Luckily she always carry some extra Bondip with her. And every one knows that if an unworthy person eats the heavenly Bondip they melt and their spirit is trapped forever in the wizard school Bonwarts. But time was running out, AM had picked up the pace and was on his 950th krispie and didnt look like he was slowing down. So Bonnie sprung into action and flung some Bondip toward AM. AM being so committed to reaching the magical land of Bonnia didn't notice it and the Bondip landed right in his mouth. He never stood a chance against the almighty Bonnie. He will forever be haunted in Bonwarts. Now the W.C. is once again safe, thanks to my home girl Bon Bon.

Boncerely,

BonJamesBon

Late August Bonnouncements

The staff and I have a few bonnouncements to make before it's too late.

First and foremost, we'd like to bonnounce that the Bonnie has been called to serve in the Bishopric of a student ward at the U. This is significant for 2 reasons. One because, well... not that many women get called to serve in the Bishopric, but we all not that the Bonnie is not just any woman. The second thing is that, upon finding out that the Bonnie was now working for the U, Thomas S Monson (T-Mons as we like to call him) renounced the church's claim on BYU because the Bonnies arrival at the U makes the U the Lord's annointed school.

Our second bonnouncement is that, as part of her welcome into the new ward, the Bonnie will be speaking in her new ward this coming Sunday!!! Come one, come all and hear the Bonnie speak the truth to our undeserving ears.

That is all

One Day and Counting...

My good bloggers and bloggerettes it is exactly 1 day until the single greatest day of the year! You might ask what is the greatest day of the year? Christmas? some would think but it is august and christmas is usually in december...believe me i checked...Online. Some perverted hippies might think its earth day, dirty whores. The earth doesn't dare compare with this day. Some of the love birds out there might say valentines day, dead wrong. There is more love given in one minute of this day than every valentines day combined. Our black friends might say Martin Luther King Jr. Day or (MLKJD) for short. And i say to that, negro please. Some old people might say veterens day. Well the special person of this day has given more to this country through rice krispies than all old people combined. Except grandpa Jim and lois they're way to Bad A for me to hate on. The Irish might say St. Patrick's day. Well talk to me when your sober...still waiting.

Finally the moment you have all been waiting for. Tomorrow is Bonnies Birthday!!!!!!! Even Santa Clause can't wait for this day. He makes a special visit and delivers all of Bonnie's birthday presents through the chimney. People from all over the world fly in just to catch a glimpse of the Angel of the W.C. on her special day. Every store in the world is closed except of course the restaurant that our sweet Bonnie chooses she wants to eat at. That is the greatest reward any restaurant can recieve.

So tomorrow as we celebrate let us give to the Bonnie and remember all the things she has done for us.

In Bonebration,

BonJamesBon