My good bloggers and bloggerettes it is exactly 1 day until the single greatest day of the year! You might ask what is the greatest day of the year? Christmas? some would think but it is august and christmas is usually in december...believe me i checked...Online. Some perverted hippies might think its earth day, dirty whores. The earth doesn't dare compare with this day. Some of the love birds out there might say valentines day, dead wrong. There is more love given in one minute of this day than every valentines day combined. Our black friends might say Martin Luther King Jr. Day or (MLKJD) for short. And i say to that, negro please. Some old people might say veterens day. Well the special person of this day has given more to this country through rice krispies than all old people combined. Except grandpa Jim and lois they're way to Bad A for me to hate on. The Irish might say St. Patrick's day. Well talk to me when your sober...still waiting.
Finally the moment you have all been waiting for. Tomorrow is Bonnies Birthday!!!!!!! Even Santa Clause can't wait for this day. He makes a special visit and delivers all of Bonnie's birthday presents through the chimney. People from all over the world fly in just to catch a glimpse of the Angel of the W.C. on her special day. Every store in the world is closed except of course the restaurant that our sweet Bonnie chooses she wants to eat at. That is the greatest reward any restaurant can recieve.
So tomorrow as we celebrate let us give to the Bonnie and remember all the things she has done for us.
In Bonebration,
BonJamesBon
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Bonnie Tingey: International Ambassador of Peace
The hour fast approaches 2am on on quite Friday night. Laying awake in my BP bed I struggle to catch a hold of a decent nights rest like a heroine addict struggles to catch the dragon, but i quickly learn you can never catch the dragon.
Besides, how could I sleep knowing that there is so much turmoil in the world? How could I rest knowing that the Bonnie herself will not rest until she has personally seen to the end of the chaos that is our modern times? At this very moment the Bonnie is undoubtedly out in the great wide open. On a mission to make the world a more beautiful place. Probably in her garden planting flowers as I type, for what better way to fight terrorism than to plant the seeds of peace, literally and symbolically.
However, the mission of the Bonnie is not bonfined to the Dub-C. No my friends, in fact just this week the mission of the Bonnie has stretched across continents, crossed the greatest of oceans and touched the hardest of hearts and it is for that purpose that I relay this intricate tale of international peace.
A few months back the Bonnie sat alone in the boncave, meditating on a world gone awry. As she pondered in her fortress of solitude she was struck with an undeniable fit of bonspiration... She knew exactly what had to be done, so she logged on to her gmail and began to type
"They say true love comes only once in a lifetime
and even though we’re from opposite ends of the earth,
my heart tells me you’re the one for me. Mahmoud
I remember when it started, saw you on the news
you were hating gays, I was eating food
but I was feeling you, and even though I disagreed with almost everything you said
you aint wrong to me, so strong to me, you belong to me
Like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhall to me
Mahmoud make my heart beat right out of my chest
my mind says no but my body says yes
Nuclear threat, the only threat I see
is the threat of you not coming home with me.
Our love for each other’s like when atoms collide
Can’t express how I feel Ay yo Iran let’s ride
And Iran, Iran so far away
is your home, but in my heart you’ll stay
He ran, for the president of Iran
we ran together to a tropical island
my man, Mahmoud is known for rilin’
smiling, if he can still do it then I can
they call you weasel, they say your methods are medieval
you can play the Jews I can be your Jim Caviezel
Used to look at the stars and dream
round the world same stars were seen
And a twinkle in your eyes Mahmoud.
Talk smooth to me, without a tie
your pants high waisted, dang so fly.
We can take a trip to the animal zoo
and laugh at all the funny things that animals do
Like Eugene (Levy) you got me straight trippin’ boo
hope you look in my eyes and say I’m trippin’ too
you say Iran don’t have the bomb but they already do
you should know by now, it’s you.
You crazy for this one Mahmoud
you can deny the holocaust all you want
but you can’t deny that there’s something between us
I know you say there’s no problems in Iran
but come to the rocky mountain revue now baby
it’s time to stop hiding, and start living."
With that the invitation was sent... but was Mahmoud ready to respond? Was he bon enough to stand up to the challenge? As fate would have it, the Hairy Jake Gyllenhall, like many a man before him, was unable to resist the bonvitation to come.
Just like that the Bonnie orchestrated the single greatest public relations move of 2008, she convinced the Iranian national basketball team to come to Salt Lake City and partake of her vision of global peace through basketball... A program the Bonnie affectionately calls Hoops for Hope.
Despite the concerns of the US government, and the fear that the Barack Obama would try to take credit for the Bonnie's hard work, and somehow find a way to destroy Hoops for Hope, the Bonnie showed greated faith in the nature of man. Just as she predicted the game ended up being one of the most successfull RMR games ever played. Iranians and Americans, Greeks and Russians, Ukranians and Hermaphrodites, players and referees, Jerry Sloan and I, all enemies off the court, all stood together on the court as one, united in Bonniehood... proving that maybe there is hope to be found in hoops.
Did the Bonnie single handedly end the war on terror? I can't say, but yes.
Besides, how could I sleep knowing that there is so much turmoil in the world? How could I rest knowing that the Bonnie herself will not rest until she has personally seen to the end of the chaos that is our modern times? At this very moment the Bonnie is undoubtedly out in the great wide open. On a mission to make the world a more beautiful place. Probably in her garden planting flowers as I type, for what better way to fight terrorism than to plant the seeds of peace, literally and symbolically.
However, the mission of the Bonnie is not bonfined to the Dub-C. No my friends, in fact just this week the mission of the Bonnie has stretched across continents, crossed the greatest of oceans and touched the hardest of hearts and it is for that purpose that I relay this intricate tale of international peace.
A few months back the Bonnie sat alone in the boncave, meditating on a world gone awry. As she pondered in her fortress of solitude she was struck with an undeniable fit of bonspiration... She knew exactly what had to be done, so she logged on to her gmail and began to type
"They say true love comes only once in a lifetime
and even though we’re from opposite ends of the earth,
my heart tells me you’re the one for me. Mahmoud
I remember when it started, saw you on the news
you were hating gays, I was eating food
but I was feeling you, and even though I disagreed with almost everything you said
you aint wrong to me, so strong to me, you belong to me
Like a very hairy Jake Gyllenhall to me
Mahmoud make my heart beat right out of my chest
my mind says no but my body says yes
Nuclear threat, the only threat I see
is the threat of you not coming home with me.
Our love for each other’s like when atoms collide
Can’t express how I feel Ay yo Iran let’s ride
And Iran, Iran so far away
is your home, but in my heart you’ll stay
He ran, for the president of Iran
we ran together to a tropical island
my man, Mahmoud is known for rilin’
smiling, if he can still do it then I can
they call you weasel, they say your methods are medieval
you can play the Jews I can be your Jim Caviezel
Used to look at the stars and dream
round the world same stars were seen
And a twinkle in your eyes Mahmoud.
Talk smooth to me, without a tie
your pants high waisted, dang so fly.
We can take a trip to the animal zoo
and laugh at all the funny things that animals do
Like Eugene (Levy) you got me straight trippin’ boo
hope you look in my eyes and say I’m trippin’ too
you say Iran don’t have the bomb but they already do
you should know by now, it’s you.
You crazy for this one Mahmoud
you can deny the holocaust all you want
but you can’t deny that there’s something between us
I know you say there’s no problems in Iran
but come to the rocky mountain revue now baby
it’s time to stop hiding, and start living."
With that the invitation was sent... but was Mahmoud ready to respond? Was he bon enough to stand up to the challenge? As fate would have it, the Hairy Jake Gyllenhall, like many a man before him, was unable to resist the bonvitation to come.
Just like that the Bonnie orchestrated the single greatest public relations move of 2008, she convinced the Iranian national basketball team to come to Salt Lake City and partake of her vision of global peace through basketball... A program the Bonnie affectionately calls Hoops for Hope.
Despite the concerns of the US government, and the fear that the Barack Obama would try to take credit for the Bonnie's hard work, and somehow find a way to destroy Hoops for Hope, the Bonnie showed greated faith in the nature of man. Just as she predicted the game ended up being one of the most successfull RMR games ever played. Iranians and Americans, Greeks and Russians, Ukranians and Hermaphrodites, players and referees, Jerry Sloan and I, all enemies off the court, all stood together on the court as one, united in Bonniehood... proving that maybe there is hope to be found in hoops.
Did the Bonnie single handedly end the war on terror? I can't say, but yes.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
The Glossary of Bonnie-Terms
Worldwide readership,
As the influence of the Bonnie Blog begins to reach the farthest corners of the world it has come to the attention of the Bonnie Blog staff that our newest readers may not fully understand all of the terms, slang and sayings used by the staff while chronicling the life and times of Bonnie.
Because we cannot answer all of the fan mail questions that we get asking about the meaning of these terms (believe me, we've tried) the staff and I decided to write a glossary of terms for newer readers to use as a guide to the Bonnie Blog. The glossary will be an ever expanding document, updated as needed to reflect the latest and greatest entries in the Bonnie Blog.
Without Further Adieu... The Glossary
Quote of the Day: The craziest and/or most bontastic thing that Bonnie said during that given day.
3 Doors Down: It's not a band, it's a nightmare
Boncerely: The sign-off used in many Bonnie Blog posts in place of sin-cerely, because the Bonnie doesn't sin.
Boncern: Used in place of the word concern because 1) it's a level of concern far beyond that of a standard humans ability to feel concern, and 2) the Bonnie wouldn't deceive anyone so we don't want the word con associated with her in any way.
Bonspiration: to be inspired by Bonnie, often associated with great spiritual experiences.
Bontastic: Bonnie is not a fan, she has fans, 'nuff said
Bons: Props given for Bonnie related comments, instead of bones.
More additions to the glossary coming soon...
As the influence of the Bonnie Blog begins to reach the farthest corners of the world it has come to the attention of the Bonnie Blog staff that our newest readers may not fully understand all of the terms, slang and sayings used by the staff while chronicling the life and times of Bonnie.
Because we cannot answer all of the fan mail questions that we get asking about the meaning of these terms (believe me, we've tried) the staff and I decided to write a glossary of terms for newer readers to use as a guide to the Bonnie Blog. The glossary will be an ever expanding document, updated as needed to reflect the latest and greatest entries in the Bonnie Blog.
Without Further Adieu... The Glossary
Quote of the Day: The craziest and/or most bontastic thing that Bonnie said during that given day.
3 Doors Down: It's not a band, it's a nightmare
Boncerely: The sign-off used in many Bonnie Blog posts in place of sin-cerely, because the Bonnie doesn't sin.
Boncern: Used in place of the word concern because 1) it's a level of concern far beyond that of a standard humans ability to feel concern, and 2) the Bonnie wouldn't deceive anyone so we don't want the word con associated with her in any way.
Bonspiration: to be inspired by Bonnie, often associated with great spiritual experiences.
Bontastic: Bonnie is not a fan, she has fans, 'nuff said
Bons: Props given for Bonnie related comments, instead of bones.
More additions to the glossary coming soon...
Monday, July 14, 2008
Gone Fishing
Attention Bonnie Bloggers: Bonnie has been missing something special in her life. She has not been getting her FDA recommended 2-3 servings of Fish a week... not salmon or halibut silly, but the only Fish you need. Amy Fish. Bonnie now knows how Puff Daddy felt when he lost his dear friend The Notorious BIG to the streets. Diddy himself said it best, "Sometimes its just hard for a n**** to wake up, its hard to just keep goin ,its like I feel empty inside without you bein here, I would do anything man, to bring you back... every step I take, every move I make, every single day, every time I pray, Ill be missing you"
I think its safe to say that for the sake Bonnie we need to bring Amy Fish back. She is missed by Bonnie and all. Until you return, we will be missing you!
With Boncern,
Stephanie
Now a few words from Bonnie herself:
There's something fishy right here in Salt Lake. Do you remember in the New Testament in Matthew 18:110-12 the lord said that he had come to "save that which was lost... if a man have a hundred... and one of them be gone... doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth... and seeketh that which is gone"?
Well, right here in our beautiful Salt Lake and our little blogging pool we are missing one very important Fish. Not just any fish but our very own Amy Fish. You may remember her for her quiz or the quiz knows, the true Bonnie fan.
So lets not just skim the pond but drain the pool if we have to even call out Charlie himself, the "King of the Sea" to find out own "Lady of the Lake" Miss Amy Fish! Then we can as the Lord said in Matthew 18:13 "...rejoiceth more of that [one]" and then we can get our party on!
Love,
Bon
I think its safe to say that for the sake Bonnie we need to bring Amy Fish back. She is missed by Bonnie and all. Until you return, we will be missing you!
With Boncern,
Stephanie
Now a few words from Bonnie herself:
There's something fishy right here in Salt Lake. Do you remember in the New Testament in Matthew 18:110-12 the lord said that he had come to "save that which was lost... if a man have a hundred... and one of them be gone... doth he not leave the ninety and nine, and goeth... and seeketh that which is gone"?
Well, right here in our beautiful Salt Lake and our little blogging pool we are missing one very important Fish. Not just any fish but our very own Amy Fish. You may remember her for her quiz or the quiz knows, the true Bonnie fan.
So lets not just skim the pond but drain the pool if we have to even call out Charlie himself, the "King of the Sea" to find out own "Lady of the Lake" Miss Amy Fish! Then we can as the Lord said in Matthew 18:13 "...rejoiceth more of that [one]" and then we can get our party on!
Love,
Bon
Monday, June 23, 2008
The silence has been broken!!
We all know how much The Bonnie does for all of us. To honor her, it has been decided that we will make a list of all the positive qualities that The Bonnie has - wait, that list would be longer than Boston's intro in 'Foreplay/A Long Time' on Rock Band. To save space, let us reembark on a few 'unnoticed' things that the bonnie has done for all of us.
Earned D-Will a spot on the USA team-
Here's some sports news even Stuart Scott can't deny.. Last Summer, when Deron was trying out for the team, he just wasnt feeling himself. At first, he thought it was dehydration/fatigue/homesickness/altitude difference. Well, sadly all of those are horrificly maldiagnosises.. He was suffering from a rare but exhausting condition, bonnsickness. Once notified, the bonnie put on her #1 cooking apron, and batched up a quick rice krispies delight. D-Will made a full recovery, but for an unknown reason, he still felt like something was still slowing him down..
Personally saved Robert Downey Jr. from terrorists-
Who is Robert Downey Jr??? This world knows him as the so called "Ironman". What a JOKE! The truth is, when RDJr was stuck in the cave in the middle east, it was bonnie with him, not the weird looking scientist. She had already made the suite herself, hid it in a rock, was baking bean dip, and minutes from escaping herself.. but when he joined in on the adventure, she decided she would allow him to escape instead and bid him adieu with 2 lbs of BD (bean dip) and a lasting impression of the true Ironbon.. The Bonnie later escaped by disguising herself as a harmless chef (nobody had a clue)..
Invented the Wheel-
Where would we be without this invention? Many archeologists try to say that plain old cavemen created this breakthrough in technology, hate to break it to ya fellas, but that was the bonns. See, in 1452 BC, bonnie was wondering how to expand her cooking business from one cave to another. Instead of having poor kittens pull trays to other caves, she decided that the world was ready for the wheel. Most people dont know how close she was to not giving out this idea though.. In 1453 BC, the bonnie was almost crushed by a stampede of Lions from the Lion King, she was cooking when she was caught off guard by Mufasa aka Abe Millsap.
READING CHECK TIME!!!
Notice a pattern? If you said yes, there seems to be an antagonist in all these stories, then you're absolutely right! Somebody seemed to know D-Will would be sick without the Bonnie, somebody seemed think it would be clever to put the bonnie in a cave, and yes, somebody assembled a stampede in an attempt to crush the bonnie! SICKENING! Who is this imposter?? I think the only conclusion would be somebody who is located in close proximity to the bonnie now, maybe 3 doorsteps away? I think we all know who i am talking about... Somebody who doesnt want the bonnie to succeed, somebody who is afraid of the bonnie's greatness...
Now, because i do not want to name name's, I will allow you to make up your mind who did this to the bonnie, but let me make one thing VERY clear.
Earned D-Will a spot on the USA team-
Here's some sports news even Stuart Scott can't deny.. Last Summer, when Deron was trying out for the team, he just wasnt feeling himself. At first, he thought it was dehydration/fatigue/homesickness/altitude difference. Well, sadly all of those are horrificly maldiagnosises.. He was suffering from a rare but exhausting condition, bonnsickness. Once notified, the bonnie put on her #1 cooking apron, and batched up a quick rice krispies delight. D-Will made a full recovery, but for an unknown reason, he still felt like something was still slowing him down..
Personally saved Robert Downey Jr. from terrorists-
Who is Robert Downey Jr??? This world knows him as the so called "Ironman". What a JOKE! The truth is, when RDJr was stuck in the cave in the middle east, it was bonnie with him, not the weird looking scientist. She had already made the suite herself, hid it in a rock, was baking bean dip, and minutes from escaping herself.. but when he joined in on the adventure, she decided she would allow him to escape instead and bid him adieu with 2 lbs of BD (bean dip) and a lasting impression of the true Ironbon.. The Bonnie later escaped by disguising herself as a harmless chef (nobody had a clue)..
Invented the Wheel-
Where would we be without this invention? Many archeologists try to say that plain old cavemen created this breakthrough in technology, hate to break it to ya fellas, but that was the bonns. See, in 1452 BC, bonnie was wondering how to expand her cooking business from one cave to another. Instead of having poor kittens pull trays to other caves, she decided that the world was ready for the wheel. Most people dont know how close she was to not giving out this idea though.. In 1453 BC, the bonnie was almost crushed by a stampede of Lions from the Lion King, she was cooking when she was caught off guard by Mufasa aka Abe Millsap.
READING CHECK TIME!!!
Notice a pattern? If you said yes, there seems to be an antagonist in all these stories, then you're absolutely right! Somebody seemed to know D-Will would be sick without the Bonnie, somebody seemed think it would be clever to put the bonnie in a cave, and yes, somebody assembled a stampede in an attempt to crush the bonnie! SICKENING! Who is this imposter?? I think the only conclusion would be somebody who is located in close proximity to the bonnie now, maybe 3 doorsteps away? I think we all know who i am talking about... Somebody who doesnt want the bonnie to succeed, somebody who is afraid of the bonnie's greatness...
Now, because i do not want to name name's, I will allow you to make up your mind who did this to the bonnie, but let me make one thing VERY clear.
FOOL BONNIE ONCE, SHAME ON YOU. FOOL BONNIE TWICE, NO RICE KRISPIES FOR YOU!
Sunday, June 8, 2008
History is made...BONNIE BLOGS ON THE BONNIE BLOG
I know what your thinking. Can this really be possible? Your thinking will the internet itself explode? NO this is happening and its happening NOW! Bonnie lovers everywhere I now give you your beloved BONNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear Blogger's,
To all of you who have spent long devoted hours on my behalf working your loving fingers to the bone by dazzling the computer key broads with your wit and great literary talents. How can I thank you all and let you know how much I love you. So I propose we have a "Summer Blogger's Bash" with details to be announced soon. So watch for this and "Be there or I'll be sad."
Lot's of Love, The Bon
Dear Blogger's,
To all of you who have spent long devoted hours on my behalf working your loving fingers to the bone by dazzling the computer key broads with your wit and great literary talents. How can I thank you all and let you know how much I love you. So I propose we have a "Summer Blogger's Bash" with details to be announced soon. So watch for this and "Be there or I'll be sad."
Lot's of Love, The Bon
Monday, June 2, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)