The First Stone Has Been Cast

Nearly 2000 years have passed since the event took place… A humble woman, a sinner, forced into the market place to be mocked, ridiculed and judged by self proclaimed men of god. These holier-than-thou men thought that death was the appropriate punishment for the indiscretions of her past life, a life she had chosen to leave behind. The cries for her blood grew louder until one man, with wisdom beyond human comprehension, stood in her defense.

Some 2000 years later the Madonna of our times (in the Italian sense, not the whore singer sense), the picture of perfection, the living gospel herself, The Bonnie lay in agonizing pain in a hospital room. Her own kidneys had betrayed her, less than two months after her own gall bladder had betrayed her in the same way, by producing life threatening stones in order to fulfill the destiny of the sinner 2000 years before.

I know what you are thinking… What does The Bonnie have in common with a sinner? Your answer might be “nothing” and you would be correct, and yet, somehow their fates were meant to be intertwined… Some 2000 years ago a wise man stood by a sinners side and said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” 2000 years later, The Bonnie took him up on that offer.

Phil 'cry-baby' Jackson

3:33 pm - I log into The Bonnie Blog
3:33.30 pm - I see Phil Jackson getting interviewed
3:33.33 pm - The cry baby himself makes a call for the wambulance saying that the game is being unequally officiated.
How dare him?? When Bonnie is watching, you don't use that tone unless your looking for a malacious butt-whooping. The nerve of this man to purposely insult the bonnie is impeccable. He has no respect in my books and never will...
On to the real news... During the past 2 hours, I have been around one of the greatest influences on this earth (if you dont know who i'm talking about, stop reading) Before i could be in the house for a mere 5 seconds, she immediately sheltered me with gifts and love. As i walked through the door she gave me a creamy chocolate bar from new bonnie land, five minutes later, she was quenching our thirsts with liters and liters of liquids. Next, she was embracing us with the world renound bonnie bean dip. Not to be outdone [within the hour], she had made the infamous variety pack of rice krispy treats to tease our taste buds.
The bonnie doesnt wine and moan about calls in life that dont go her way, she cooks her way through these trials and helps others.

P.S. - Why is it that whenever the bonnie starts watching Jazz games we do amazingly well??? I think we all know the answer to this question, the Jazz feel embarrassed to play bad in front of her, they are afraid that the recipes will stop coming if they dont win with her watching...

P.S. 2 - Bonnie left, the Jazz started to fall apart...

With Jazzitude,
bonnfireoflove

Bonnie Showed The Jazz Love, And They Gave It Right Back

Last night our beloved Jazz led by MVP Williams, closed out the hated Rockets, led by Girls Name McGrady in 6 games. Although it should have been in 4 games with our unstoppable home record. We were all puzzled at the game 3 loss making us ask why? Was it that I was there? NO, because I was there last night for the win, and I'm way to hardcore for that to happen to me. The real answer is the return of the Bonnie to the Energy Solutions Arena. The Jazz players saw her and got fired up to blow out the Rockets. I actually saw a tear in Ronnie Brewer's eye. They played inspired, then the spirit of Bonnie left them as they were only up by 4 at halftime. Then Booz gave the greatest halftime speech in history. Saying how can we play like this when the Bonnie is watching us. D Will took this to heart. He felt terrible for the effort he put forth in the first half. He made 4 3's in the 3rd and then pointed to Bonnie and said I love you. Now we can all bonibrate because the jazz are in the 2nd round...All thanks to Bonnie.

Salutations,

BonJamesBon

THE RETURN OF THE QUEEN (Bonnie is Back!!!!!)

As you all know our beautiful angel bonnie has been out of our presence for the past 2 weeks visiting middle earth. She was on a quest...not to destroy and conquer, but to uplift and bring her wonderfulness to this people. She went to many of the provinces of middle earth baking brownies and cookies filled with bonnie love(the single greatest tasting ingredient EVER) and to everyone brought laughter with her wacky and loving ways. By the end of her epic quest there were 18 statues, 5 restaurants, and 3 movies all made in her honor. Plus New Zealands new official name is Bonnie Land. As she ended her voyage and returned to us, she did not destroy a certain ring, but did quite the opposite, she repaired our hearts from the pain we felt while she was away. Now as we have her back in our lives, let us be more grateful everyday that she is here, as we now know the pain of her not being here.

Much Love,

BonJamesBon

Bon To The Future

We all know that the Bonnie possesses many powers beyond those of an average human being, but what you may not know is that one of those powers is actually time travel. Yes, time travel.

Sometime last week (around 1pm MDT on Saturday) the Bonnie discovered that she could in fact travel to the future and back in small increments. As I type this message on Saturday April 19th at 11:53 MDT the Bonnie is already enjoying her Sunday afternoon nap 18 hours in the future in a magical place called New Zealand. In fact, the Bonnie, at the risk of destroying the space time continuum, has already informed me that the Boston Celtics easily won game 1 of their Easter Conference Round 1 playoff match up. (What you choose to do with this information is up to you, but I will not be held responsible any gambling related consequences)

Where will she go next? I do not know, but for the Bonnie, the future is now.

18 Timezones Can't Keep Us Apart

For some of us here at the Bonnieblog, we thought the Bonnie's epic adventure to the shire would mark some sort of hiatus for our bonnieblog duties. As if her two weeks in Mordor meant two weeks without new tales of Bonniedom and wacky Bonnie anecdotes. Well, we were wrong... Dead wrong.

No more than a day had passed by since her departure to middle-earth before the phone rang at Bonnieblog HQ (that stands for head quarters for those of you not in the know). On the other end of the line we heard the voice of angels, otherwise known as Bonnie. What could be so important that the Bonnie would take time away from her quest to destroy Sauron just to call BBHQ? (that's short for Bonnieblog HQ) I'll tell you what was so important... there was a sale at TJ Maxx and the Bonnie desperately needed a coat.

In her defense it was an incredible value. A $600 coat marked down to $60?!?!?! She couldn't afford not to buy it, and so she sent Steph on a quest of her own, the quest to find the TJ Maxx coat. Did Steph succeed in conquering the minions of possessed middle-aged Ork-women and obtain the One coat? With the spirit of the Bonnie at her side and in her heart, steph was able to delve deep into the nether-regions of TJ Maxx, find the One coat, slay an army of Ork-women, escape unharmed, and return safely to BBHQ to report to the Bonnie that her mission impossible had been accomplished.

On a side note, upon hearing that the mission was accomplished, the Bonnie notified Steph that she had changed her mind and that she no longer needed the One coat.

*as a side note to this posting, the reason for the numerous Lord of the Rings references is that the Bonnie is currently in New Zealand, which as we all know is where Frodo and Sam began their journey to destroy the One ring.

Who wants to be a Bonnionaire?

It has often been said that a picture is worth a thousand words. Well, to be quite honest, pictures dont sell for words, they sell for ca$h money. So when i saw a picture of bonnie at a local garage sale, i had to get it. I immediately went to a local Kinko's and made an exact copy. Thats when i used my 'tyler osterloh rebate skillz'... I sold the fake(as the original) on eBay for a measely million dollars...
Once i recieved this money, i thought of what i could do with it that would help out The Bonnie States of America. Yes, I know what your thinking, I should have gone and bought a luxurious european car. NO. I went to the local supermarket, bought some flour, and began to cook. This brought me to a dilhema, no not the kind of dilhema Nelly sings about, but rather a much more dificult dilhema... What would I do to help Bonns with this money? Here are a few of the ideas that immediately popped into my head--

1)Buy her all the cookbooks in the world to further her cooking education.

2)Hire the Jazz Bear for a personalized Bonnie birthday party - everyday

3)Buy Guitar Hero IV before it comes out for Bonnie

4)Give it to Jarron Collins to leave the Jazz organization.

5)Buy Mrs. Fields Cookies and change it into Bonnie's Backyard BBQ By the Booey aka the BBBBtB.

6)Give it to her to repay her for the many sweets she gives to us daily.

7)Replace the vase Jacob broke over the weekend.

8)Pay for Bonnies airfare back to the U.S. from New Zealand.

9)Give it to charity, thats what Bonnie would want

10th and Finally) Buy a fake afro for Bonnie so that she could be 'hip' with STABE.

I think i speak for all of us when i say this.. "Bonnie, we miss your beautiful soul in the Americas, and stay away from those nasty Koala Bears." Good Luck and Stay Safe Bonnie and Rob.

Editor's Note: Jefferson had a 593 note streak on GH3 untill he CHOKED on the 6th to last note... What a NOOB!!!